


SpaceBoiz HQ

by Crocodillia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Lance makes a group chat and stuff happens, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-01-20 00:31:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12421365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crocodillia/pseuds/Crocodillia
Summary: flexilanceaddedkaraokeef, hunkeedoodledandy, pidgeotto, spacedaddy, squeakyqueenandmagnifistacheto the groupchat.flexilancenamed the groupchatSpaceboizHQ.(Or, one sad author saw their own messed up groupchat and thought 'That sounds like something Lance would do.')Dedicated to my dorky friends. Honestly, I don't even know where I'd be without you guys. Anything in this fic sound familiar?ABANDONED





	1. activate particle barrier

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to apologise in advance. Sorry if you lose a few brain cells in the process.
> 
> The usernames are pretty self explanatory but here they are anyway.
> 
> flexilance - Lance  
> karaokeef - Keith  
> pidgeotto - Pidge  
> hunkeedoodledandy - Hunk  
> spacedaddy - Shiro  
> squeakyqueen - Allura  
> magnifistache - Coran

_**flexilance** added **karaokeef, hunkeedoodledandy, pidgeotto, spacedaddy, squeakyqueen** and **magnifistache** to the groupchat._

_**flexilance** named the groupchat **SpaceboizHQ.**_

pidgeotto: what is this

flexilance: its a gc

pidgeotto: ik it’s a gc dumbass

spacedaddy: it’s*

flexilance: shut up shiro

hunkeedoodledandy: space dad is at it again

spacedaddy: Don’t be rude to your father, Lance.

flexilance: YOUR NOT MY FATHER

flexilance: ALSO WHY TF DO YOU USE CAPS AND FULL STOPS IN GCS LIKE THATS NOT RIGHT

spacedaddy: you’re* that’s**

flexilance: whY is nobody nice to me

karaokeef: bc nobody likes you

hunkeedoodledandy: lol

flexilance: SHUT UP MULLET

pidgeotto: well if that’s all then im leaving

pidgeotto: ive already got to deal with ur shit irl

flexilance: NO NO DONT LEAVE

spacedaddy: don’t*

flexilance: STOP OMG

flexilance: I S2G LIKE PIDGE’S MESSAGES ARE AS BAD AS MINE?????? WHY ARENT U CORRECTING  
HERS

pidgeottoe: bc im cute and ur not

spacedaddy: It’s true.

spacedaddy: aren’t*

flexilance: WTF I AM CUTE

flexilance: MULLET IM CUTE ARENT I

karaokeef: i would rather fall into a black hole than call u cute

flexilance: o

flexilance: thats not that bad is it?? i mean the black holes

squeakyqueen: actually you’d be stretched and squashed in thousands of different directions at once and then compressed into a few molecules in a few millitics

karaokeef: its called spagettification

flexilance: so you would rather b spagettified than call me cute

karaokeef: yes

squeakyqueen: yes

pidgeotto: yes

spacedaddy: yes

hunkeedoodledandy: yes

flexilance: HUNK U TOO????

flexilance: THE BETRAYAL

flexilance: I FCKING TRUSTED U

flexilance: excuse me whilst i go and cry

hunkeedoodledandy: NO LANCE DONT CRY OMG

flexilance: im crying

spacedaddy: I’m*

flexilance: OMG SHIRO

flexilance: IDK WHY U GUYS ARE SO MEAN TO ME I THGHT U GUYS WERE NICE BUT UR ALL  
ASSHOLES

hunkeedoodledandy: NO LANCE ILY DONT BE SAD

flexilance: NO IVE HAD IT WITH U

flexilance: I MEAN I GO TO THE TROUBLE TO PUT U ALL IN A GC

flexilance: ID LIKE TO SEE U FIGTH TEH GALRA WITH A ONE LEGGED VOLTRON

flexilance: IM LEAVING W BLUE :’(

karaokeef: ok

flexilance: what

flexilance: I say im leaving and then all u say is ok

karaokeef: bc im genuinely happy that i might get through a day without having to save u from being ejected thru an airlock

flexilance: well at least im telling u im leaving in advance bfore joining a dodgy space terrorist group with no warning

pidgeotto: INHALE

pidgeotto: youve done it now

karaokeef: WHAT THE FUCK LANCE THAT WAS FUCKING OUT OF FUCKING ORDER

spacedaddy: did u just say f*ck three times in one sentence

karaokeef: DO U WANT ME TO SMASH IN UR SKULL LANCE

 

_**flexilance** has left the groupchat._

 

hunkeedoodledandy: thats so like lance

karaokeef: HES A FUCKING COWARD

spacedaddy: Keith!! There are children present!!

pidgeotto: FUCK U IM 16

spacedaddy: DON’T YOU SWEAR AT ME

spacedaddy: DO YOU SEE THIS KEITH

spacedaddy: YOU’VE TAINTED HER

pidgeotto: ..

karaokeef: IT WAS LANCES FUCKING FAULT

hunkeedoodledandy: honestly fuck isn’t really that bad of a word???

karaokeef: I DONT FUCKING CARE LANCE IS A FUCKING SPANNER

squeakyqueen: what does fuck mean

pidgeotto: i dont fancy being the one to explain that to u

pidgeotto: ask lance

karaokeef: DONT MENTION THAT FUCKING DUMBASS’S NAME

karaokeef: IM SO FUCKING MAD

spacedaddy: WHOEVER NEXT SAYS FUCK IS GETTING A SLAP IVE HAD ENOUGH

magnifistache: fuck

spacedaddy: oh

pidgeotto: OMG IM DYING

magnifistache: do I still get that slap

pidgeotto: CHOKING

spacedaddy: uh

 

_**spacedaddy** left the groupchat._

 

hunkeedoodledandy: did shiro just leave

hunkeedoodledandy: DID SHIRO JUST RUN AWAY FROM HIS PROBLEMS

pidgeotto: idk 

pidgeotto: there’s no escape now

 

_**pidgeotto** added **spacedaddy** and **flexilance** to the groupchat._

 

spacedaddy: leave me

spacedaddy: let me go

hunkeedoodledandy: its ok shiro this is a non kinkshaming place we all love and respect u for who u want to be :))

spacedaddy: well

spacedaddy: I want to b a dinosaur

pidgeotto: here it comes

spacedaddy: because theyre dead

pidgeotto: and there it is

hunkeedoodledandy: stop recycling old jokes

spacedaddy: I’m leaving the black lion to Keith provided he doesn’t swear anymore

karaokeef: wtf I don’t want Black

pidgeotto: racist

karaokeef: THAT IS NOT RACIST

pidgeotto: ;)

flexilance: ok but if u die and mullet doesn’t want black then can i have her

karaokeef: NVM I WANT HER

flexilance: WTF U JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT HER

karaokeef: WELL

karaokeef: I thought about it

karaokeef: and one – black has badass wings

karaokeef: two – black is a nicer colour than blue

flexilance: ILL MAKE U BLACK AND BLUE IN A SECOND

flexilance: don’t listen to him blue

flexilance: hes just an emo asshole

flexilance: you’re a beautiful girl

karaokeef: and three – if u lead Voltron we’d probably all die

pidgeotto: tru

flexilance: ok ur just being rude now

karaokeef: shiro who gets to keep black

spacedaddy: nvm I actually don’t trust either of you with her after that.

spacedaddy: Pidge can have her.

pidgeotto: BOOM

pidgeotto: HOW DOES THAT FEEL

flexilance: WHAT HOW COME PIDGE GETS BLACK

karaokeef: YEAH WTH SHIRO THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR

flexilance: I BET PIDGE CANT EVEN REACH THE PEDALS

pidgeotto: did u just call me short

flexilance: ALSO WHY IS UR USER PIDGEOTTO

flexilance: ISNT THAT A POKEMON

pidgeotto: yeh im a lameo who likes pokemon so what

flexilance: i do not

flexilance: DO NOT

flexilance: WANT A GIRL WHO HAS A POKEMON USERNAME LEADING VOLTRON

pidgeotto: HEY WHAT THE FUCK

spacedaddy: LANGUAGE GUYS

pidgeotto: FIRST OF ALL

pidgeotto: YOUR USER SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOUD BUY ON THE TELESHOPPING CHANNELS BACK HOME

flexilance: it does not

hunkeedoodledandy: -tv presenter voice- he bends forwards, he bends backwards! he’s the twistiest twister ever to exist! get ur flexilance now for six thsand bucks and we’ll give u a matching tracksuit for free!!!!!!!!

karaokeef: ew a lance tracksuit

flexilance: wow that’s a good idea

flexilance: i should open my own merch store

pidgeotto: WHO WLD PAY MONEY FOR UR SHIT

pidgeotto: UR JUST JEALOUS THAT ID BE A BETTER LEADER THAN U

hunkeedoodledandy: well that escalated quickly

pidgeotto: AND ON TOP OF THAT

pidgeotto: ….

flexilance: YEAH PIDGE WHATS UR POINT

flexilance: ARE U SCARED WHATS THE PROBLEM 

pidgeotto: NO

pidgeotto: its just

pidgeotto: IM JUST SO SCARED AND CONFUSED AND IDK WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON

pidgeotto: I THOUGHT THIS WOULD JUST

pidgeotto: LIKE HONESTLY I THOUGHT THAT

pidgeotto: OMG I LITERALLY

pidgeotto: IDK IM SORRY

pidgeotto: I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS

 

_**pidgeotto** has left the groupchat._

 

hunkeedoodledandy: ok who was responsible for that

flexilance: keith

karaokeef: lance

flexilance: IT WAS TOTALLY YOU MULLET

flexilance: shes probably just on her period i wouldn’t worry

karaokeef: omg lance what the fuck 

spacedaddy: Lance!!!

spacedaddy: You know that girls are allowed to get angry without being on their period?

flexilance: yeh duh it was just a joke

hunkeedoodledandy: why can i hear pidge sobbing next door then

hunkeedoodledandy: lucky for u she hasnt seen that stupid period comment otherwise i think she’d probably electrocute u

flexilance: ok yes i might have been a little mean

hunkeedoodledandy: seriously lance its not ok to just say stuff like that and then just say it’s a joke

hunkeedoodledandy: sometimes i don’t understand u

squeakyqueen: i guess since keith returned and blue stopped responding to me she has been the only female paladin. its difficult when you’ve been surrounded by guys for such a long time

karaokeef: especially since one of them is lance

flexilance: HEY

magnifistache: yeh you guys can be quite annoying sometimes

flexilance: yes i wasnt being very nice to her

flexilance: but since when does pidge lock herself in her room crying over a stupid argument over the lions??

hunkeedoodledandy: u did make fun of her username

flexilance: granted

flexilance: but pidge isnt the type of person who would completely break down over that stuff

spacedaddy: you’re right, it’s not.

flexilance: im always right

spacedaddy: just… no

spacedaddy: but seriously

spacedaddy: something else is going on.

hunkeedoodledandy: i’ll knock on her door and see if i can talk to her

hunkeedoodledandy: i doubt it but its worth a try

spacedaddy: all right, good luck. I’ll probably go and check on the lions. I need to clear my mind a little.

flexilance: ok..

flexilance: dont hate me guys im rlly sorry :((((

karaokeef: you should b apologising to pidge not to us

hunkeedoodledandy: preach ^^

flexilance: ….

flexilance: ill try

-

_Private message: **spacedaddy** and **pidgeotto**_

-

spacedaddy: Pidge?

spacedaddy: …

spacedaddy: I guess leaving me on Read is okay if you’re not ready to talk.

spacedaddy: Both you and I know that the argument over the black lion is not what made you blow up there.

spacedaddy: It’s not my place to probe, but I just wanted to let you know that I, as well as the others, are all here for you. Even Lance, even though he can sometimes be an asshole.  
spacedaddy: You might not want to talk now, but trust me, we’re all here to listen when you are.

spacedaddy: Let me know when you want me to add you back :)

pidgeotto: its ok

pidgeotto: u can add me back

pidgeotto: i just need some time to figure this out myself

spacedaddy: Okay. The others are really worried about you but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to tell us what’s up.

pidgeotto: i do tho!! i want to tell u guys but its rlly difficult for me to accept it myself?? 

spacedaddy: Honestly, it’s fine! I have secrets too. We all do!

pidgeotto: like what ;;;)))))))))))))))

spacedaddy: Well… 

spacedaddy: only if you don’t tell anyone…

spacedaddy: Lance once asked me out in the middle of a battle simulation. 

pidgeotto: WAIT WHAT

spacedaddy: I know, right? I rejected him of course, but in his moment of distraction one of the robots managed to practically kick him into the next reality!!

pidgeotto: WAS THAT WHEN HE SPENT ALMOST THREE DAYS IN A HEALING POD

pidgeotto: HE TOLD ME HIS WARDROBE FELL ON HIM

pidgeotto: THE DIRTY LIAR

pidgeotto: I THOUGHT HE HAD THE HOTS FOR KEITH

spacedaddy: You and I both know that’s definitely true. I think the only reason he even asked was because he was missing Keith after he left.

pidgeotto: thats so sad but its so lance as well. 

pidgeotto: i hope u don’t mind me asking but do u have your eyes on someone?

spacedaddy: I do

spacedaddy: Well, did is a better word actually... 

pidgeotto: oh

pidgeotto: i never rlly thought that u would? idk why. u just seem the kind of guy who cares more about his team than his own needs

spacedaddy: That’s true but… It’s a bit sad actually. I haven’t seen them for a while now. It broke my heart a little that they vanished from my life, but i don’t think they ever saw me in that way anyway.

pidgeotto: shiro..

pidgeotto: that’s making me cry again oml that’s so sad

spacedaddy: It’s honestly fine pidge. Don’t cry! We’ve both moved on I guess.

spacedaddy: Anyway, if i was in a relationship then how would I focus all of my time on my wonderful space kiddos?

pidgeotto: yeah but..

pidgeotto: don’t the space kiddos sometimes need a space mom?

spacedaddy: ..

pidgeotto: omg sorry i think that was too much 

pidgeotto: ill shut up

spacedaddy: It’s fine Pidge. I think Lance is looking for you now so I’ll leave you now okay?

pidgeotto: thnx so much i feel so much better

spacedaddy: anything for my fave space daughter :))

pidgeiotto: ……….

 

_**pidgeotto** blocked **spacedaddy.**_

-

Spaceboiz HQ

-

hunkeedoodledandy: i managed to make her take some food so i guess that’s a bonus

flexilance: oml i feel terrible

karaokeef: omg is lance feeling bad for his actions?? put this one in the photo album hunk

spacedaddy: UGH

hunkeedoodledandy: what up space dawg

spacedaddy: I literally spent ages talking to Pidge

flexilance: wait u were talking to pidge??????

flexilance: i think she blocked me so i cant even send a sorry message

spacedaddy: so get this

spacedaddy: i spend ages talking to pidge

spacedaddy: spilling lances darkest secrets to her to make her happier

flexilance: wait what

spacedaddy: and then she blocks me

spacedaddy: IDK WHAT I SAID

flexilance: u were selling my secrets to PIDGE??????

spacedaddy: …

flexilance: PIDGE THE BLACKMAIL LORD OF LORDS????????????

flexilance: oh my fucking god i am done for

spacedaddy: she seemed to be happier but then she just blocks me out of the blue

hunkeedoodledandy: would u like to share those secrets with the rest of us lance :::))):))0)))::)))

flexilance: I WOULD NOT

spacedaddy: seriously though

squeakyqueen: could you pm me a picture of the conversation u had with her

squeakyqueen: i think i might have figured this out

flexilance: and there we go AGAIN

flexilance: are we just stupid or is allura just smart af

karaokeef: no ur the only stupid one here lol

magnifistache: We are thousands of years more advanced than your primitive species!

karaokeef: nah its lance who’s less advanced than everyone else

flexilance: OK I GET IT STOP

flexilance: I TELL U WHAT

flexilance: ILL FIGURE IT OUT BEFORE ALLURA AND PROVE IM BETTER

squeakyqueen: ok i got it

hunkeedoodledandy: well forget that lance

flexilance: guowBUO’;IH2GI;VN;kjugh;

squeakyqueen: This is quite a sensitive subject. It’s not really my place to tell you.

spacedaddy: Okay. I guess we’ll just have to wait until Pidge is ready to tell us.

 

_**squeakyqueen** added **pidgeotto** to the group chat._

 

pidgeotto: hi guys

hunkeedoodledandy: heyyyyyyy how u feeling

pidgeotto: better thnx

spacedaddy: could u tell pidge to unblock me i cant see her messages

flexilance: yeh me too

hunkeedoodledandy: could u unblock shiro and lance pls they want to talk

pidgeotto: sure

spacedaddy: THANK YOU

flexilance: thank

pidgeotto: welc

pidgeotto: im sorry for blocking you that was p rude of me :((

spacedaddy: it k

flexilance: IM SO SORRY OMG I WAS SO MEAN

pidgeotto: its ok it wasnt all u

pidgeotto: it was other stuff too

pidgeotto: ill tell u guys at some point

pidgeotto: now isn’t the time tho

squeakyqueen: Glad ur back, Pidge :o

pidgeotto: :))

karaokeef: im still beating u up tho lance

hunkeedoodledandy: gay

karaokeef: thank u for that clarification hunk

hunkeedoodledandy: np

flexilance: pls don’t :(

pidgeotto: i managed to find some interesting stuff on lances laptop too 

flexilance: WHAT

flexilance: HOW DID U 

flexilance: OMFG 

pidgeotto: what did u think i was doing whilst i was locked in my room

pidgeotto: yeh i was crying my eyes out bc lance is a dick but nothing a bit of hacking wont fix

pidgeotto: it wasn’t too hard to guess

flexilance: don’t u fucking dare

pidgeotto: the pass was activatepartic1ebarrier<3<3

flexilance: ok boarding my flight back to earth

hunkeedoodledandy: ffs

spacedaddy: that’s low even for lance

karaokeef: ok y am i not surprised

flexilance: STOP MULLET

karaokeef: :)

pidgeotto: don’t forget i have those pictures keith

karaokeef: wha

karaokeef: what pictures

pidgeotto: ill give u a clue

pidgeotto: sandy

karaokeef: WHAT

karaokeef: HIOW DID U FCKING GET THOSE

karaokeef: I THOuHGT I DESTROYED THEM LONG AGO

karaokeef: PLEASE PIDGE OGM DON’T DO THSI TO ME

pidgeotto: i wont im not that mean <3

karaokeef: ok thx

karaokeef: i was having a freaking aneurism there

pidgeotto: don’t u forget it

flexilance: what does sandy mean

flexilance: is sandy a girl???????

karaokeef: OM G NO ITS NONE OF UR FYCKIGN BUSINESD

flexilance: i must have those pictures if their making mullet have a heart attack

spacedaddy: they’re*

flexilance: send them to me

pidgeotto: ok

karaokeef: NO DON’T OMG PLS WVNNLSNFQLNLKANLVKNWEILNGBEKRJ329P

karaokeef: OMG PIDGE U JUST SAID U WOULDNT 

karaokeef: GUOEWIGU;hn8y2p1o;inclzskdmz 

hunkeedoodledandy: keith.exe has encountered a fatal error would u like to terminate it

flexilance: kill it

flexilance: actually dont bc i want to bully him over those pictures

karaokeef: pidge i s2g

karaokeef: if u send lance those pictures

karaokeef: i promise u

karaokeef: i will find ur laptop

karaokeef: and arrange a very swift death for it

pidgeotto: NO DONT U CANT DO THAT

pidgeotto: ALL MY DIRT ON LANCE IS ON IT

karaokeef: THEN THINK ABOUT WHAT UR ABOUT TO DO

flexilance: wait what

flexilance: DESTROY IT KEITH

pidgeotto: THEN U NOT GETTING KEITHS PICTURES

flexilance: SCCREAMM

flexilance: IM SO TORN

karaokeef: IM DESTROYING IT

pidgeotto: NO OGM DOTN DO ITY

spacedaddy: CALM YOURSELVES CHILDREN

-

(lots of screaming later)

magnifistache: wow i missed a lot ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but who the fuck is sandy


	2. UwU what's this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok thank you for all the love this crap has been getting so far it means a lot <3
> 
> if u wanna find me on anything my instagram is @cr0codillia and my tumblr is Crocodillia but i havent posted anything on either bc im a lazy asshole sorry about that
> 
> Usernames:
> 
> flexilance - Lance:  
> karaokeef - Keith  
> hunkeedoodledandy - Hunk  
> pidgeotto - Pidge  
> spacedaddy - Shiro  
> squeakyqueen - Allura  
> magnifistache - Coran  
> angeryboi - Matt (yep he's here now)

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: guys

flexilance: GYS

flexilance: GUYS

hunkeedoodledandy: WHAT LANCE

flexilance: what do u call pidge on a roundabout

hunkeedoodledandy: lance i was sleeping

flexilance: I KNOW BUT

flexilance: what do u call pidge on a roundabout

pidgeotto: idk why but i feel like i don’t want to know the answer

hunkeedoodledandy: i don’t really want to either but anything if it means i can go back to bed

flexilance: ok then

flexilance: what do u call pidge on a roundabout

flexilance: a midget spinner

spacedaddy: please lance its 3am

hunkeedoodledandy: PFFFFHAHAHHAHAHAHA

pidgeotto: stop making fun of my height

pidgeotto: id beat u in a fight anyday

karaokeef: if anything pidge wld be a pidget spinner 

flexilance: ok i spent hours thinking up that joke and u just have to cut me down like that mullet

spacedaddy: ITS 3AM

flexilance: it’s*

spacedaddy: don’t make me ground you lance

flexilance: you’re not my father

pidgeotto: pls guys im tired

spacedaddy: please at least tell me you’ve got your blue shade on 

pidgeotto: no bc i wasnt planning on waking up to see lance making fun of my height again

flexilance: ok but 

flexilance: please change ur user to midgetspinner

flexilance: its better than ur dumb pokemon name

pidgeotto: ok but only bc i want u to shut ur mouth

 

_**pidgeotto** changed their username to **pidgetspinner**._

 

flexilance: what

flexilance: i said midget not pidget

pidgetspinner: keiths was better

karaokeef: hah

flexilance: MULLET ILL FUCKING FIGHT U

spacedaddy: GO TO SLEEP 

spacedaddy: DON’T MAKE ME COME UP THERE

flexilance: k night <3

spacedaddy: night kiddos

-

hunkeedoodledandy: idk about you guys but did any of u dream last night

hunkeedoodledandy: because i did

karaokeef: no

flexilance: mullet doesnt dream

flexilance: hes too emo for that

karaokeef: excuse me i do dream

flexilance: pff

flexilance: i bet u sing mcr songs in ur sleep

hunkeedoodledandy: funny story

flexilance: om

hunkeedoodledandy: this one time when lance, pidge and i were sharing a dorm

hunkeedoodledandy: pidge got rlly ill in the night so i, being the substitute mother, went to get her some stuff from the medical box

pidgetspinner: i did not feel well at all UwU

flexilance: DON’T U DARE

flexilance: I HATE THIS STORY

flexilance: THIS STORY IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL

pidgetspinner: but basically

pidgetspinner: when hunk asked me if i wanted another blanket i said

pidgetspinner: ‘nah thanks i don’t want another one’

hunkeedoodledandy: vnls;gowrlNNRwnkgE

pidgetspinner: and lance just sits up and highkey screams ‘ANOTHER ONE!!!!! DJ KHALED!!!!!!”

pidgetspinner: and then he just lies down and goes back to sleep UwU

flexilance: STOP OMG

flexilance: I LITERALLY DON’T REMEMBER THIS

karaokeef: ew you listen to dj khaled

karaokeef: no wonder ur so dumb lol

pidgetspinner: UwU

karaokeef: also i like ur pfp pidge

pidgetspinner: thank UwU

karaokeef: what have i done to deserve such a blessing

pidgetspinner: the eagle of justice has blessed u

karaokeef: i cant see those emojis

karaokeef: were they eagles

pidgetspinner: BOI

pidgetspinner: U STILL HAVENT UPDATED????

karaokeef: NO I LIKE THE GUN EMOJI

flexilance: someone please tell me whats going on

pidgetspinner: basically

pidgetspinner: keith likes the gun emoji so much he hasn’t updated from ios8

pidgetspinner: and im sad bc he cant see my eagle emojis

karaokeef: i don’t care about the eagle i like the gun

flexilance: gross that’s emo

pidgetspinner: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BLESS U WITH THE EAGLE OF JUSTICE THEN 

pidgetspinner: Uwu

flexilance: fail lol

pidgetspinner: no its called perspective

pidgetspinner: the UwU is leaning slightly to the right so it looks like Uwu

flexilance: nice try

pidgetspinner: what

flexilance: or the UwU got beat up

spacedaddy: beaten*

flexilance: OK FINE

flexilance: or the UwU got beaten up

pidgetspinner: or it got shoved up the ass of an annoying twat

spacedaddy: LANGUAGE OMG

flexilance: calm ur edge

pidgetspinner: ur right, i was SHARP

karaokeef: i like edges

karaokeef: pointy

karaokeef: i can stab myself

spacedaddy: NANDE

flexilance: i prefer impale ;)

pidgetspinner: i prefer spagettification UwU

hunkeedoodledandy: i prefer type two diabetes

karaokeef: i don’t mind as long as it kills me

spacedaddy: STOP OMG

spacedaddy: HOW DID THIS GET SO EMO

flexilance: mullet is in the gc after all

spacedaddy: but seriously

spacedaddy: why do you have a seagull as ur pfp pidge

spacedaddy: if you like the eagle of justice so much then why do u have a different bird as ur pfp

pidgetspinner: are u telling me you haven’t seen that INHALE seagull meme

spacedaddy: i don’t tend to look up seagulls in my spare time

flexilance: STOP SAYING UWU

flexilance: IM READING IT LIKE OOWOO AND IT SOUNDS LIKE AN OWL 

pidgetspinner: UwU that was my intention

pidgetspinner: owls are amazing UwU

spacedaddy: so you like owls as well???

flexilance: SCREAM

pidgetspinner: fine ill say OwO instead

flexilance: PIDGE

pidgetspinner: whAt

flexilance: ur really pushing my buttons rn

pidgetspinner: oddly sexual UwU

spacedaddy: WE’RE KEEPING THIS PG 13

flexilance: I. AM. SEETHING.

pidgetspinner: im sorry don’t hate me <3

flexilance: all is forgiven

pidgetspinner: thank you UwU

flexilance: I FUCKING KNEW U WOULD DO THAT

spacedaddy: LANCE

flexilance: but i will follow the buddhist way and forgive…

flexilance: and perhaps beat u up with a wii balance board but that comes later

 

_**pidgetspinner** has left the groupchat._

 

spacedaddy: boi

 

_**spacedaddy** added **pidgetspinner** to the group chat._

 

flexilance: my edge was too much for even the edge lord pidge herself

karaokeef: da fuq am i supposed to do wif dis edge lord robes now

hunkeedoodledandy: did keith just meme

pidgetspinner: you weren’t edgy lance

pidgetspinner: i left bc u were threatening to beat me up with a wii balance board

pidgetspinner: have you seen those things???

pidgetspinner: theyre brutal

hunkeedoodledandy: i once dropped one on my foot whilst changing the batteries for my nephew and it broke four toes

hunkeedoodledandy: I MISS HIM OMG

flexilance: DON’T CRY HUNK 

karaokeef: that once happened to lance except it was a bottle of wine instead

flexilance: OK STOP

flexilance: cant u see we’re pining for our lost family members

flexilance: i abandoned my family, hunk left his nephew, keith has no parents so he doesn’t count, and pidge lost her bro and her dad

karaokeef: ok that was rude

pidgetspinner: oh did i forget to tell u

pidgetspinner: i found matt btw

flexilance: JBIREBKSBNFD

spacedaddy: INGROENBLKWNRGLKMB;DCB

hunkeedoodledandy: vkwelnltkn;lmd;lm\ok;

karaokeef: ok 

pidgetspinner: ill add him brb

 

_**pidgetspinner** added **angeryboi** to the group chat._

 

pidgetspinner: this is my bro matt be kind to him 

karaokeef: hi matt

angeryboi: hi keith long time no see

spacedaddy: MLKVSMKLS7

angeryboi: SHIRO IS THAT YOU OMG

angeryboi: IM CRYING OGM]

spacedaddy: MATT I THGHT U DIEDD

spacedaddy: PIDGE

spacedaddy: WHY DIDTN U TELL ME MATT WAS ALIVE

angeryboi: YEAH PIDGE DID IT NOT OCCUR TO U ONCE TO TELL EITHER OF US THAT THE OTHER WAS ALIVE

spacedaddy: AFTER ALL WE BOTH GT BEAMED UP INTO A GALRA SHIP AND THEN THAT WAS THAT

pidgetspinner: oh

pidgetspinner: no it didn’t occur to me at all

angeryboi: PIDGE 

spacedaddy: PIDGE

spacedaddy: i am so disappointed in u right now

hunkeedoodledandy: idk but for some reason i read matts username in a French accent like ‘aunjeree bwa’

spacedaddy: hunk this isn’t the time

spacedaddy: but seriously pidge

spacedaddy: how did u find matt

angeryboi: she probably found te-osh and got a transponder that led her to the memorial for the people who died fighting the galra and found my supposed ‘grave’ and cried a bit and then noticed that the birth date was wrong and decoded it into coordinates which led her to the rebel base that i was hiding in

pidgetspinner: actually i connected the find my friends app to the green lion and upgraded it so it broadcasted to a bigger scale

angeryboi: ok that works too

squeakyqueen: look at this selfie

squeakyqueen: selfie.jpeg

flexilance: did u just use the dog filter

flexilance: my god the universe is doomed

angeryboi: heyyy girl are u an alien bc u just abducted my heart <3 

flexilance: don’t u lay a fucking finger on allura

spacedaddy: did u just use a space pick up line matt

angeryboi: nO

squeakyqueen: is this guy new

spacedaddy: how did u guess

spacedaddy: i don’t feel well im going to bed

hunkeedoodledandy: poor shiro

flexilance: …

-

 

_**flexilance** added **pidgetspinner, hunkeedoodledandy,** and **squeakyquean** to the groupchat._

 

 _ **flexilance** named the groupchat **SHIROS LOVE LIFE.**_

 

pidgetspinner: fantastic another crappy gc for me to keep track of

flexilance: SHSHSHS

flexilance: this is important

hunkeedoodledandy: ok im listening

flexilance: did u see how off shiro was acting

squeakyqueen: well yes hes been reunited with his colleague after years of thinking he died

pidgetspinner: hehe my bad

flexilance: pidge is matt single

pidgetspinner: sgjknasolngsl

pidgetspinner: why are u asking?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

flexilance: NO IM NOT ASKING IN THAT WAY

pidgetspinner: ik ik

pidgetspinner: we all know ur gay for keith

flexilance: jgsnlfanwklgbnlksmbl;a;flmtt43jpmbg

flexilance: TAHT WAS UNNECCASSARY

pidgetspinner: but tbh i don’t know

pidgetspinner: he hasn’t had a gf but i doubt he got off w any of the other prisoners while he was captive

hunkeedoodledandy: WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT

flexilance: INHALE

flexilance: imprettysureshirolikesmattbctheywerepracticallygivingeachotherdoeeyesacrossthegclikehowthefuckdoesthatevenwork

pidgetspinner: EW

pidgetspinner: THAT IS ABSOFRICKINGLUTLY THE DUMBEST THING UVE EVER SAID

hunkeedoodledandy: actually there was yesterday where u blamed pidge’s outburst on her menstrual cycle

pidgetspinner: u did what

flexilance: OK granted i have said stupider things

pidgetspinner: when ur on life support after ive finished with u ill unplug u so i can charge my phone 

squeakyqueen: enough guys

squeakyqueen: but did u see their reactions when they spoke to each other

hunkeedoodledandy: yeah…

pidgetspinner: they might as well have been running in slow motion towards each other on a beach during sunset screaming each others names with chariots of fire blaring in the bg

flexilance: so u see?????

flexilance: we have to get them together omg

hunkeedoodledandy: yeah im not sure about that

hunkeedoodledandy: i don’t think we’ll have much luck with that when u cant even get off w keith

flexilance: I DON’T LIKE KEITH IN THAT WAY

flexilance: I DON’T LIKE MULLET AT ALL

flexilance: hes an emo asshole

pidgetspinner: yeah yeah we believe u :3

flexilance: ok operation #makeshattcanon has begun

hunkeedoodledandy: wait the ship name is shatt??

hunkeedoodledandy: like past tense shit

flexilance: ok shush i came up with that on a whim

flexilance: anyone else have a better ship name?

hunkeedoodledandy: ….

pidgetspinner: ……………

squeakyqueen: …..

squeakyqueen: miro?

flexilance: that sounds like a shower brand

squeakyqueen: ok then shatt it is

flexilance: ALL RIGHT

flexilance: LANCE THE LOVE DOCTOR IS IN BUSINESS

flexilance: brb gonna try and get these peeps together

squeakyqueen: ill get a broom in case i need to sweep up this mess

pidgetspinner: hunk ;)

hunkeedoodledandy: yeh ;))

pidgetspinner: pm me ;)))

hunkeedoodledandy: ok ;))))

-

 

_Private message: **pidgetspinner** and **hunkeedoodledandy**_

 

hunkeedoodledandy: shld we try and get keith and lance together

pidgetspinner: yeh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sense some shenanigans coming up
> 
> btw the dj khaled thing actually happened irl i'll leave it up to u guys to guess who it was...


	3. of shaggy rugs and fursuits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the frickety frick i can't believe y'all actually like this crap (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
> Thank u for all the love it's been getting recently <3
> 
> IG: @cr0codillia  
> Tumblr: Crocodillia
> 
> Usernames:  
> flexilance: Lance  
> karaokeef: Keith  
> pidgetspinner: Pidge  
> hunkeedoodledandy: Hunk  
> spacedaddy: Shiro  
> squeakyqueen: Allura  
> magnifistache: Coran  
> angeryboi: Matt

magnifistache: guys

magnifistache: what are these characters??????

magnifistache: Я хочу смерти

flexilance: uh

squeakyqueen: they have similarities to altean characters

pidgetspinner: theyre russian characters

squeakyqueen: whats russian

pidgetspinner: Russia is a large land mass on earth

pidgetspinner: we call it a country

magnifistache: so russia isnt a planet?

flexilance: no lol

pidgetspinner: coran

pidgetspinner: where did u get that russian phrase from

magnifistache: keiths bio

pidgetspinner: ok that explains it

squeakyqueen: why

squeakyqueen: what does it say

pidgetspinner: Я хочу смерти means ‘I want death’

flexilance: u speak russian?????

pidgetspinner: i just have general knowledge

pidgetspinner: duolingo is gold but u can’t learn altean on it

hunkeedoodledandy: u can learn klingon on it

flexilance: yeah but klingon isn’t that impressive when ur millions of light years away from earth protecting aliens from a parasitic race with a massive flying robot

pidgetspinner: tru tru

magnifistache: Я хочу трахнуть мохнатый ковер в доме моей тети

spacedaddy: i don’t even know what that says but i have a bad feeling about this

flexilance: what does that mean

pidgetspinner: well the first bit means ‘i want’ but idk about the rest

pidgetspinner: my russian doesn’t stretch that far

magnifistache: ‘I want to fuck the shaggy rug in my aunt’s house’ 

 

_**spacedaddy** removed **magnifistache** from the groupchat._

 

karaokeef: interesting

hunkeedoodledandy: CHOKING

pidgetspinner: give the guy a break shiro

pidgetspinner: he probably just wanted to try google translate

karaokeef: where did he get the idea of a rug??

karaokeef: it just wouldn’t work

flexilance: unless u went at it with the rug tassels

pidgetspinner: EWWWWWW

flexilance: it’s the only way it wld work tho!!

flexilance: or u could roll up the rug

hunkeedoodledandy: that wld be so painful 

karaokeef: youd get carpet burn

pidgetspinner: yeowch

spacedaddy: how did this happen

spacedaddy: where did i go wrong as a parent

flexilance: can u imagine that tho

flexilance: HEY MOM IM RUGSEXUAL

hunkeedoodledandy: i thought u were bi

flexilance: shut up hunk

flexilance: i thought u said this was a non kinkshaming zone

hunkeedoodledandy: it is!!

hunkeedoodledandy: if u wanna fuck rugs then we won’t judge u <3

karaokeef: i read on Wikipedia that 1% of furries are sexually aroused by plushies

squeakyqueen: u could douse the rug in lubricant to avoid friction

spacedaddy: ALLURA

karaokeef: idk if Walmart sells that much cinnamon lube

hunkeedoodledandy: ok but here is the question i bet we’re all dying to ask

hunkeedoodledandy: why were u on the furry fandom Wikipedia page keith

flexilance: ARE U A FURRY KEITH

karaokeef: no

flexilance: r u sure mullet

karaokeef: im not a furry oml

flexilance: (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

pidgetspinner: GUYS STOP BULLYING KEITH A SECOND

pidgetspinner: this is important in case u guys are getting any ideas about rug fucking

spacedaddy: please stop

pidgetspinner: if u put lube on a rug u would create so much friction it wld create a spark and lube is flammable so it would catch fire

flexilance: so fucking a rug in a fursuit is out of the question keith

hunkeedoodledandy: or youll go from furry to bald

flexilance: and dead

pidgetspinner: LMAO IM DYING

karaokeef: im not a furry tho

pidgetspinner: u sure bout that

karaokeef: what

pidgetspinner: sandy

karaokeef: NO STOP OGM 

flexilance: and sandy is back

flexilance: seriously who the fuck is sandy

spacedaddy: where did i go wrong as a parent

angeryboi: can someone tell me who sandy is

angeryboi: and if she’s hot

spacedaddy: ..

pidgetspinner: if u don’t tell the others keith i will

pidgetspinner: and i have the pictures to go with it

karaokeef: GNRWKGNLANGLKSKBMDOHE9IU90

pidgetspinner: basically i found keiths old Instagram account

pidgetspinner: when i say old he must have been about fourteen fifteen ish 

karaokeef: STOP STOP YOU WIN ILL TELL THEM

karaokeef: I USED TO MAKE FURSUITS FOR A LIVING OK

pidgetspinner: u made them for extra money, mate

pidgetspinner: nobody works at fourteen

flexilance: UR A FURRY KEITH?????

flexilance: wow im disappointed

karaokeef: IM NOT ANYMORE WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME

hunkeedoodledandy: i don’t hate u

karaokeef: anyway it was good money

karaokeef: some days i made 800 bucks from making one head

karaokeef: and sandy used to be my fursona ok

karaokeef: now u know

angeryboi: and here i thought sandy was a hot girl

spacedaddy: i hope none of you are going to make keith feel bad about himself because of his life choice when he was younger

spacedaddy: because, lets be honest, most kids went through a furry phase at some point

flexilance: keith shld make us fur suits in our paladin colours

karaokeef: no way

spacedaddy: good idea

pidgetspinner: wait none of us agreed to that

pidgetspinner: i am not saving the universe in a green fursuit

squeakyqueen: i want a mouse one

hunkeedoodledandy: lance i thought u were highkey against fursuits a few seconds ago

flexilance: embracing diversity is a good idea

pidgetspinner: embracing diversity is a fucking terrible idea

pidgetspinner: no way am i gonna wear anything that resembles a dog

flexilance: then u can have a cat instead

angeryboi: pidge we should have matching suits

pidgetspinner: fuck u green is my colour ur not having a green suit

karaokeef: are any of u guys thinking about how im gonna have to make seven fur suits???

flexilance: no lol

flexilance: anyway u forgot coran so that makes eight

hunkeedoodledandy: its ok keith if that’s too much work u don’t have to make one for me

pidgetspinner: yeh me too

angeryboi: PIDGE PLS

angeryboi: WE CAN BE TWINS

pidgetspinner: NO FUCKING WAY

spacedaddy: keith if u think it’s too much strain on u then u don’t have to make eight fur suits

karaokeef: FUCK U ALL I CAN MAKE EIGHT

karaokeef: but srsly i haven’t made a suit in years guys 

flexilance: u could make the head and the tail and we cld wear them with our paladin armour

pidgetspinner: I REALLY DISLIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING

spacedaddy: good idea

pidgetspinner: BAD IDEA

angeryboi: i don’t have a colour bc im not a paladin :( 

flexilance: u can be pink

squeakyqueen: excuse me pink is my colour

flexilance: ok uh

flexilance: orange?

angeryboi: done

karaokeef: if someone could magic up six tonnes of upholstery foam, cardboard, masking tape and faux fur in a variety of colours that would be fantastic

squeakyqueen: we don’t have that stuff

pidgetspinner: its ok u can use fursuitsupplies.com

pidgetspinner: ok i did not know that was an actual site

hunkeedoodledandy: i don’t know if they deliver outside of the milky way tho

squeakyqueen: its ok i can get that stuff

spacedaddy: wow ok

hunkeedoodledandy: allura really wants her fursuit

flexilance: can mine be glow in the dark pls

karaokeef: get ur head out of fucking narnia

flexilance: uve got ur head in narnia too if u think u can make eight fursuits without dying

karaokeef: at least my narnia doesn’t have clowns in the drains

flexilance: that is nightmare fuel

flexilance: clowns give me the heebie jeebies

angeryboi: ive watched IT so u guys have to watch it now

pidgetspinner: GUYS

pidgetspinner: WE HAVE TO WATCH It TOGETHER 

flexilance: NO FUCKING WAY

flexilance: I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP FOR WEEKS

hunkeedoodledandy: apparently it wasn’t scary just disgusting and creepy

karaokeef: i don’t think anything is more disgusting or creepy than lance

flexilance: IVE BEEN TOLD THAT THE CLOWN BARFS ON THE KIDS AND ID RATHER WATCH KIDS BEING RIPPED APART THAN SOMEONE PUKING I HATE IT

pidgetspinner: tag urself

pidgetspinner: cinema.jpeg

karaokeef: im the one silently crying

spacedaddy: im the one pretending to not be scared but being close to bursting into tears

squeakyqueen: im the one sleeping bc the seats are comfy af

hunkeedoodledandy: im the one eating all the food and not paying attention to my lameass friends

angeryboi: im the one watching the film and actually enjoying it

flexilance: I HATE CLOWNS

pidgetspinner: what about u then lance

flexilance: im the one that’s not fucking there

pidgetspinner: LMAO

hunkeedoodledandy: actually ud probably be the one disappearing into the folding seat

karaokeef: theres a different dimension in cinema seats

squeakyqueen: REALLY????

karaokeef: no

karaokeef: but there are old popcorn kernels and what u think is sherbet but probably isn’t

angeryboi: u know in the cinema toilets they have those handriers that practically blow ur face off

pidgetspinner: im just gonna stop u right there

angeryboi: pidge has to use the handdrier which is lower down on the wall

flexilance: U MEAN THE ONE FOR KIDS???

pidgetspinner: YEAH OKAY I HAVE TO USE THE KIDS HANDDRIER BC I CANT REACH THE OTHER ONES WITHOUT BURNING MY EYEBROWS OFF

flexilance: i am so glad u found matt

flexilance: he’s got so much dirt on u

angeryboi: hehe its true

pidgetspinner: you shouldn’t have insulted the blackmail lord

pidgetspinner: matt.jpeg

pidgetspinner: tag urself

hunkeedoodledandy: OML IS THAT MATT

angeryboi: yes…

spacedaddy: WHAT HAPPENED OMG

pidgetspinner: basically u know those trolley tokens u sometimes use instead of coins to get a trolley

pidgetspinner: when matt and i went grocery shopping once the token fell off the dashboard and disappeared somewhere under the passenger seat and when matt tried to get it he got stuck in the footwell

pidgetspinner: tag urself guys

angeryboi: i guess im the idiot stuck in the footwell then

karaokeef: im the cupholder that nobody ever shows appreciation to

flexilance: im the satnav bc idk the fuck im doing

pidgetspinner: like the ones that talk w no emotion at all??

flexilance: yeh

hunkeedoodledandy: ‘congrats u have reached ur motherfucking destination’

flexilance: ‘at the roundabout take the second exit. oh wait, now that you’ve taken the second exit ive decided it’s the wrong way. there’s no opportunity to turn around for the next twenty miles and ur now stuck in standstill traffic. since u cant make a U-turn, do us all a favour and make an L turn so you drive off the bridge.’

spacedaddy: that’s not a very nice thing to say lance

squeakyqueen: so you guys have to travel the whole way if u want to go somewhere??

pidgetspinner: yes allura

pidgetspinner: unlike you, we can’t fly into a magic portal and appear where we want to go

angeryboi: wait allura can do that???

angeryboi: holy shit <3

spacedaddy: ..

flexilance: !!

-

**SHIROS LOVE LIFE**

-

flexilance: GUYS THIS IS BAD

flexilance: MATT IS TOTALLY EYING UP ALLURA

pidgetspinner: u cant force him to like someone else

squeakyqueen: unless i reject matt 

flexilance: yes!! 

flexilance: maybe if u break his heart enough he wld go crying to shiro 

hunkeedoodledandy: and the seeds of love plant themselves

squeakyqueen: ok let me try that

pidgetspinner: WAIT WE HAVENT TALKED THIS THROUGH YET

squeakyqueen: ok

flexilance: maybe we shld get shiro in on this?

pidgetspinner: good idea

pidgetspinner: maybe he can stop this train wreck before it happens

 

_**flexilance** added **spacedaddy** to the group chat._

 

flexilance: shiro

spacedaddy: the answer is no 

flexilance: but u don’t know what it is yet

spacedaddy: im not stupid lance

spacedaddy: i can read the name of the gc

pidgetspinner: DAMN

pidgetspinner: we shld have changed that

squeakyqueen: its ok shiro

squeakyqueen: matt is a little more to u than a colleague, isn’t he?

spacedaddy: ….

spacedaddy: it doesn’t matter though

spacedaddy: he clearly doesn’t see me in the same way

pidgetspinner: u don’t know that

pidgetspinner: we have a very cunning plan which will probably work

spacedaddy: i do not like the word probably

flexilance: ok ok maybe a 70% chance of success

spacedaddy: my will to live is crashing even further when u talk like slav about a situation which will probably end my life

flexilance: that was actually an accident but

pidgetspinner: ok fine if u don’t want to even try our cunning plan then

pidgetspinner: there is always plan b

spacedaddy: PIDGE NO OM

spacedaddy: THINK ABOUT WHAT UR DOING A SECOND

spacedaddy: PIDGE

-

**Spaceboiz HQ**

-

pidgetspinner: hey matt

pidgetspinner: do u want to come over so we can all watch It together

flexilance: NO

spacedaddy: NO NO NO BAD IDEA

angeryboi: HELL YEAH!!

angeryboi: im not gonna lie im so excited

flexilance: THERES A FLAW IN THAT PLAN

flexilance: ITS NOT ON DVD YET

pidgetspinner: i downloaded it illegally off the internet 

flexilance: NO WHY OMG

flexilance: IT HAD TO BE A CLOWN FILM

angeryboi: I AM SO PUMPED

angeryboi: now there is one slight problem

hunkeedoodledandy: whats that

angeryboi: pidge left me on some dust planet and im still waiting for someone to pick me up

pidgetspinner: oh

pidgetspinner: what are u still doing there

spacedaddy: OML DID YOU LEAVE MATT BEHIND ON SOME PLANET

flexilance: im laughing so hard honestly

angeryboi: well ur lion is great and all but it doesn’t have one vital facility

angeryboi: a guy’s gotta go

pidgetspinner: BUT U HAD TO ACTUALLY GO WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE

angeryboi: ID HELD IT FOR OVER 24 HOURS

angeryboi: I WAS SCARED UD MURDER ME IF I HAD AN ACCIDENT IN THE LION

pidgetspinner: actually that’s true

spacedaddy: BREAK IT UP

karaokeef: i can go and get u matt if u want

angeryboi: that would be fantastic

flexilance: NO KEITH UR SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING OUR SUITS

karaokeef: I NEED A BREAK

flexilance: FUCK UR BREAK I WANT MY SUIT

karaokeef: IM NOT A FUCKING MACHINE

flexilance: ANYWAY I WANT TO GO AND GET MATT

karaokeef: I OFFERED FIRST

spacedaddy: ENOUGH

spacedaddy: ILL GO AND GET HIM OML STOP FIGHTING

spacedaddy: THANK YOU 

spacedaddy: i’ll probably need a wormhole allura if that’s ok

squeakyqueen: that’s fine send me a message when ur ready

-

**SHIROS LOVE LIFE**

-

pidgetspinner: easy

hunkeedoodledandy: wait

hunkeedoodledandy: u mean u deliberately left matt on a planet for shiro to go get him???

pidgetspinner: he was complaining about needing a piss for practically the whole journey so i stopped on this random planet we were passing and said i needed to fix something in the back

pidgetspinner: and then when he got out i left him behind bc he was driving me up the wall

flexilance: so the film thing wasn’t plan b????

flexilance: YES NO CLOWNS

pidgetspinner: actually it was originally but then i remembered that id forgotten to get matt so i figured shiro might like to get him instead ;)

hunkeedoodledandy: wow sibling rivalry at its finest

pidgetspinner: i also did some stuff to the black lion so hopefully when shiro’s on his way back it’ll start blaring saxophone music and showering rose petals all over the cockpit

squeakyqueen: ok i think that was a little bit too much

pidgetspinner: idk if i can cancel it tho

pidgetspinner: its on a timer but i can delay it for like 16 years or something

flexilance: BUT WHAT IF

flexilance: WE’RE FORMING VOLTRON 16 YEARS LATER AND SUDDENLY IT STARTS YODELLING ROMANTIC MUSIC AND FARTING ROSE PETALS EVERYWHERE

flexilance: we might as well destroy it now rather than let the galra have the satisfaction of seeing that 

pidgetspinner: ok ive delayed it :(

pidgetspinner: honestly im sad

pidgetspinner: those rose petals were a bitch to get hold of :(((((

squeakyqueen: save it for another time pidge

squeakyqueen: it might be appreciated on their wedding day

-

**SPACEBOIZ HQ**

-

spacedaddy: oops

spacedaddy: i forgot to add coran back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my browser history now consists of the furry fandom wikipedia page and fursuitsupplies.com
> 
> not gonna lie this is about the lowest point of my life so far and i scream dj khaled song lyrics in my sleep


	4. jesus on a motorbike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait heh my laptop charger somehow materialised out of my hands and smashed into the floor so i couldnt charge it rip
> 
> It's a bit of a short chapter sorry bout that
> 
> Enjoy another chapter of this crap :')
> 
> Tumblr: Crocodillia  
> IG: @cr0codillia

pidgetspinner: does anyone know where lance is

spacedaddy: no

spacedaddy: have you checked the airlocks

pidgetspinner: not yet

pidgetspinner: ill check now

spacedaddy: i wouldnt worry

spacedaddy: hes probably with kaltenecker

hunkeedoodledandy: the cow or the tv show’s line producer?

spacedaddy: what

hunkeedoodledandy: nothing

pidgetspinner: SHIT WHY IS AIRLOCK 3 OPEN

karaokeef: uh

karaokeef: maybe bc you’re setting up for a clown film screening

karaokeef: ANYWAY WHO CARES CLOSE IT BEFORE HE CHANGES HIS MIND

pidgetspinner: LOOK I DELIBERATELY DIDN’T TELL HIM I WAS SETTING UP BC I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

pidgetspinner: WHO TOLD HIM

hunkeedoodledandy: not me

pidgetspinner: HUNK

hunkeedoodledandy: IM SORRY I WAS TRYNA FIND A MICROWAVE

pidgetspinner: what does a microwave have to do with this

squeakyqueen: why are there small white things all over the kitchen

spacedaddy: please specify

spacedaddy: ‘small white things’ could be anything

karaokeef: like pidge lmao

karaokeef: pidge is a small white thing

pidgetspinner: stOP CALLING ME SHORT

pidgetspinner: ITS LIKE LANCE ISNT EVEN GONE

squeakyqueen: SERIOUSLY WHAT ARE THE SMALL WHITE THINGS 

hunkeedoodledandy: uh

hunkeedoodledandy: i can explain

spacedaddy: what happened hunk

hunkeedoodledandy: BASICALLY

hunkeedoodledandy: i had a bag of popcorn and i was looking for a microwave

spacedaddy: i can see where this is going

hunkeedoodledandy: and then lance saunters in

magnifistache: whats a microwave

hunkeedoodledandy: my point exactly

pidgetspinner: so lance saunters in but it doesn’t explain why there’s popcorn all over the kitchen or why airlock 3 is open

pidgetspinner: wait i take that back 

pidgetspinner: if lance was present it explains pretty much everything

hunkeedoodledandy: BUT BASICALLY

hunkeedoodledandy: I STILL COULDNT FIND A MICROWAVE

hunkeedoodledandy: AND THEN LANCE HAS THE BRIGHT IDEA OF BLASTING THE BAG WITH HIS BAYARD

spacedaddy: it didn’t just cook the popcorn did it

hunkeedoodledandy: NO IT GODDAMN EXPLODED

pidgetspinner: there you go allura

pidgetspinner: that’s why there are small white things all over the kitchen

spacedaddy: and airlock 3 is open because..?

hunkeedoodledandy: lance asked where i got the popcorn from and i said pidge asked allura to pick it up when she got the materials for keith’s fursuiting business

karaokeef: shut THE FUCK up

hunkeedoodledandy: and then lance realised it was for the film screening, screamed bloody murder and did a looney-tunes thing out of there

angeryboi: tf IT is a good film whats his problem

karaokeef: is anyone thinking about the fact lance is probably space walking without a spacesuit

pidgetspinner: not really

pidgetspinner: i don’t really want him pissing himself five minutes into the fucking film

squeakyqueen: blue’s still here according to the castle log

angeryboi: cant someone just send him a message that keith finished his fursuit or something

karaokeef: I HAVENT FINISHED IT THO

flexilance: WHAT THE FUCK???

flexilance: MULLET U LAZY ASS BITCH U HAVENT FINISHED MY SUIT YET

pidgetspinner: speak of the devil

karaokeef: IM NOT LAZY

karaokeef: LAZY IS BUYING A FILM ON NETFLIX YOU ALREADY OWN BC YOU CBA TO GET UP AND PUT THE DVD IN THE DVD PLAYER

pidgetspinner: wait what

karaokeef: lance once bought a film on Netflix he had on dvd bc he couldnt be bothered to move two steps to put it in the dvd player

pidgetspinner: oh sounds like something i’d do

angeryboi: stop pretending youre not lazy 

angeryboi: mom asked you to clean your room but you literally googled ‘vacuum noise’ and played it at full volume 

pidgetspinner: shshshshshsh it worked though

hunkeedoodledandy: when my nephew got a kitten both he and the kitten fell asleep on me and i resorted to shooting at the light switch with a nerf gun to try and turn it off without disturbing them

hunkeedoodledandy: i missed but went to sleep with the light on anyways

flexilance: WE SHLD GET KITTENS

pidgetspinner: we already have huge mechanical cats

squeakyqueen: yes and at least the lions don’t eat the mice

flexilance: speaking of lions could someone come and pick me up please its starting to get a little chilly

karaokeef: no chance in hell

pidgetspinner: not if ur gonna squeal like a child when we’re watching the film

angeryboi: guys you’re so mean

angeryboi: we gotta watch it together because we’re all #spaceboiz 

angeryboi: if you wont get him then i will

flexilance: HOW?? 

flexilance: U DON’T GOT A LION

spacedaddy: there are so many things wrong with that sentence

angeryboi: who said there isn’t a sixth lion guys :((

angeryboi: i wanna be a paladin too

squeakyqueen: idk about the lion but i can get paladin armour

squeakyqueen: if you want some ill call up our supplier

flexilance: YOU HAVE A PALADIN ARMOUR SUPPLIER????

flexilance: CAN U GET CUSTOM COLOURS???

squeakyqueen: idk ill ask them

angeryboi: SERIOUSLY U CAN DO THAT?????

angeryboi: can i have orange 

squeakyqueen: i’ll see what i can do

flexilance: i want rainbow paladin armour

pidgetspinner: nah i bet keith’s already bagsied that

karaokeef: no fuck u i like red

angeryboi: u say that the lions do a creepy thing when u all team bond and scream ‘YEAH’ at the same time and they all squash their legs in and fuse their butts to the black lion to form a massive humanoid robot

hunkeedoodledandy: correct

angeryboi: what if there was a sixth lion

angeryboi: and they all merged to become one BADASS LION WITH FOUR LIONS AS THE LEGS AND THE SIXTH AS THE TAIL

magnifistache: eh

magnifistache: granted that would be pretty cool

squeakyqueen: but if there was a sixth lion im pretty sure i would know about it

flexilance: GUYSS CAN SOMEONE COLLECT ME PLEASE

flexilance: OXYGEN

karaokeef: no lol

flexilance: WHY DOES BLUE NOT RUN TO MY AID LIKE RED DOES FOR MULLET

karaokeef: bc id be fed up with an asshole like u sitting in my skull and whining like a little shit

angeryboi: SHIRO

spacedaddy: yes

angeryboi: WHAT’S THE BLACK LION’S NAME

spacedaddy: uh

spacedaddy: idk i just call her ‘black lion’

angeryboi: ok that’s mean

angeryboi: have u tried asking her what her name is???

spacedaddy: …

spacedaddy: no

spacedaddy: i mean i’d call her black or something but ive been sued three times

angeryboi: ??

spacedaddy: once by keith and twice by lance

angeryboi: why??

spacedaddy: because apparently im not allowed to name my lion after her colour because its copyright infringement

angeryboi: call her something badass like shadow

karaokeef: that’s boring and overdone

flexilance: says the guy who named his fursona sandy

karaokeef: FUCK U IF U WERENT FLOATING IN SPACE SOMEWHERE ID FUCKING KICK U INTO THE NEXT REALITY

angeryboi: one second brb

spacedaddy: uh ok

hunkeedoodledandy: why can i hear matt screaming stuff at the black lion

spacedaddy: he wants to know what her name is

hunkeedoodledandy: cant u just call her Black?

pidgetspinner: racist

hunkeedoodledandy: THAT’S NOT RACIST OML

pidgetspinner: WAIT WHATS THE SCREAMING

spacedaddy: matt wants to know the black lions name

pidgetspinner: WAIT

pidgetspinner: ok that sounded like a scream of terror

hunkeedoodledandy: i bet the black lion squashed him lmao

spacedaddy: nah..

pidgetspinner: or incinerated him with her laser cannon

spacedaddy: she WOLDNT DO THAT

karaokeef: nah she sliced him apart

spacedaddy: OML STOP

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT ARE YOU ALIVE

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: IF U DON’T ANSWER IM COMING DOWN

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: MATT

spacedaddy: IM CALLING THE POLICE

karaokeef: CHILL SHIRO HES PROBABLY FINE

angeryboi: I AM NOT FINE

karaokeef: HOLD UP ILL GRAB A MOP

spacedaddy: SHIT ARE YUO OK

pidgetspinner: OUCH THE SPACE DAD SWORE

spacedaddy: DO I NEED TO GET A STRETCHER

karaokeef: ooh ouch

karaokeef: a bucket would be better

spacedaddy: nwolknkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

hunkeedoodledandy: did shiro pass out

pidgetspinner: keith my god that was unnecessary

pidgetspinner: the poor guy’s probably having an aneurism

flexilance: that one moment when you spell unnecessary ‘unneccessarry’

hunkeedoodledandy: that’s more letters than neccassarry

karaokeef: well im outside the black lion door and there is a matt shaped dent in it

karaokeef: y’all ok in there matt?

angeryboi: yes?? I guess??

spacedaddy: JESUS ON A MOTORBIKE

pidgetspinner: OUCH

spacedaddy: MATT ARE YOU ALIVE

spacedaddy: IF THE BLACK LION HURT U I S2G

angeryboi: its ok she just did a boop

angeryboi: still i think i broke a few ribs

spacedaddy: ARE YOU OKAY

angeryboi: well i just got sledgehammered by a massive metal cat face and squashed into a wall

angeryboi: but if that’s how she shows affection then that’s ok

karaokeef: ok no need for the mop then

pidgetspinner: ok i thought you were exaggerating when you said there was a matt shaped dent in the door but there actually is lmao

angeryboi: its NOT FUNNY

angeryboi: i feel like coughing my innards up jesus fucking christ

pidgetspinner: then they’d be your outtards lmao

spacedaddy: DO U NEED A HEALING POD

squeakyqueen: hes probably fine shiro

angeryboi: IDK WHAT HURTS MORE

angeryboi: MY STOMACH OR MY PRIDE

angeryboi: I DIDN’T FIND OUT WHAT HER NAME WAS EITHER

pidgetspinner: lmao remember that one member of staff at the garrison who lance was infatuated with but he was too chicken to ask for her name

flexilance: SHUT UP OML

hunkeedoodledandy: lmao he kept flirting and saying ‘i love you’ to her but she kept laughing and brushing it off

hunkeedoodledandy: she thought it was a joke when he kept confessing every time he saw her lmao

pidgetspinner: and then during a particularly noisy game of ‘never have i ever’ after curfew she walks in to make us shut up and when she leaves lance whispers ‘i love u’ and she laughs and says ‘i love u too’ and then leaves

pidgetspinner: but u know what was funny is that she was saying it as a joke lmao

flexilance: JUST SHUT UP OML

pidgetspinner: and then the second the door closes lance just highkey sticks his leg up in the air and shrieks ‘the pussy magnet strikes again!!!’

karaokeef: that’s disgusting lance

flexilance: WELL THAT’S NORMAL COMING FROM U BC WE ALL KNOW U HATE PUSSY

karaokeef: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT OMG

hunkeedoodledandy: BOTH OF U STOP PRETENDING UR STRAIGHT

angeryboi: stOp fighting I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION

pidgetspinner: the door’s jammed bc you almost smashed a fucking hole in it matt

pidgetspinner: do u really think id have moved all the way to the door if i didn’t intend to open it

angeryboi: actually yes

angeryboi: you locked me in the kitchen cupboard once

spacedaddy: ILL GET A CHAINSAW

angeryboi: NO IM STILL LEANT AGAINST THE DOOR

angeryboi: DO NOT CUT THROUGH THE DOOR OR YOU’LL FUCKING MANGLE ME

spacedaddy: ok i got an alternate solution

spacedaddy: pidge how can i access the explosives store

karaokeef: youre joking right

spacedaddy: WOULD I JOKE ABOUT THIS

karaokeef: no

squeakyqueen: NO EXPLOSIONS ON THE CASTLE

hunkeedoodledandy: TOO LATE THERES ALREADY POPCORN ALL OVER THE KITCHEN

spacedaddy: WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST THEN

magnifistache: uh

magnifistache: chainsaw?

angeryboi: NO CHAINSAWS OR SWORDS OR TNT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT

spacedaddy: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET U OUT THEN

pidgetspinner: are none of you thinking about how shiro could just get there using the pilot’s entrance

spacedaddy: ..

spacedaddy: yeah i didn’t think about that

angeryboi: OK WELL HURRY UP I ALSO REALLY NEED TO TAKE A LEAK

pidgetspinner: yeah matt we really didn’t need to know that

flexilance: SERIOUSLY GUYS MY OXYGEN IS RUNNING LOW AND U GUYS ARE LONG GONE

hunkeedoodledandy: keith you get him

karaokeef: im working on the fursuits

flexilance: PLEASE MULLET

karaokeef: OK FINE

karaokeef: i’ll be right back guys

pidgetspinner: heheheh

pidgetspinner: hes so gay for lance

karaokeef: IM STILL HERE

pidgetspinner: SORRY MATE, BUT ITS TRUE

angeryboi: SHIRO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

angeryboi: nvm he’s here

pidgetspinner: ouch that sounded bad

hunkeedoodledandy: what happened?

pidgetspinner: idk but i heard a crash and a shriek of pain

angeryboi: haha shiro literally fell from the ceiling 

pidgetspinner: how the fuck did you manage that

spacedaddy: the zipwire was supposed to land me in the black lion’s cockpit but she’s not in the right place anymore so there was nothing to stop me falling

hunkeedoodledandy: and the black lion claims another victim

squeakyqueen: don’t destroy the door

pidgetspinner: uh

pidgetspinner: shiro’s already shredded it with his spooky galra hand

squeakyqueen: SHIT

magnifistache: its ok allura we need to get more popcorn anyway

-

**SHIROS LOVE LIFE**

-

flexilance: oh boy shiro’s got it bad

pidgetspinner: tell me about it

pidgetspinner: he fucking flipped when the black lion squashed matt

spacedaddy: im still in this chat guys

hunkeedoodledandy: LMAO

flexilance: how did it feel to carry matt away from the lion’s chamber like a warrior carrying his damsel away from battle ;)

spacedaddy: HE BARFED BLOOD ON ME 

pidgetspinner: ouch that’s not romantic at all

spacedaddy: also i read up a little

pidgetspinner: FUCK

spacedaddy: WHAT ON EARTH POSSESSED U TO INSTALL A ROSE PETAL SHOWER IN THE BLACK LION

hunkeedoodledandy: BUSTED PIDGE

spacedaddy: OH GOD UR LUCKY U DELAYED IT

pidgetspinner: …

 

_**pidgetspinner** removed **spacedaddy** from the groupchat._

 

pidgetspinner: he can no longer be trusted

hunkeedoodledandy: WAIT

hunkeedoodledandy: BEFORE YOU END THE CHAPTER

hunkeedoodledandy: the author would just like to apologise in advance for damaging your eyes bc they spent three years of their sad life drawing furry keith and lance so be nice to them

flexilance: what

pidgetspinner: what

hunkeedoodledandy: nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't seen IT yet


	5. trig identity 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey its ya croc
> 
> Anyways I'm back again with more trashy content from myself and my idiotic friends (you know who you are).
> 
> Hope you likey!
> 
> Instagram: @cr0codillia  
> Tumblr: crocodilla
> 
> ^^ Please dont hesitate to send me a message if you wanna talk or rant or whatever i love to talk to peeps :3

pidgetspinner: LANCE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

flexilance: This is an automated message. I’m sorry, but Lance is currently unavailable. I am sure you are absolutely desperate to get in contact with the handsomest sharp shooter in the universe, so please leave a message after the tone, and he’ll get back in contact with you as soon as possible.

pidgetspinner: THIS IS A GC YOU UNEDUCATED PIECE OF ASS

flexilance: This is an automated message. I’m sorry, but Lance is currently unavailable. I am sure you are absolutely desperate to get in contact with the handsomest sharp shooter in the universe, so please leave a message after the tone, and he’ll get back in contact with you as soon as possible.

pidgetspinner: FINE WELL DO THIS THE HARD WAY

pidgetspinner: LANCE HAS SIRI SET AS AN AUSTRALIAN MALE AND PRACTICES HIS PICK UP LINES WITH IT

flexilance: WHAT NO I DON’T

pidgetspinner: YOU FLIRT WITH SIRI DON’T TRY TO DENY IT

flexilance: SIRI IS A HE NOT AN IT

karaokeef: fucks sake you peice of shit

flexilance: *piece

spacedaddy: THE ASTERIX GOES AFTER THE CORRECTION

flexilance: *shut *ur *mouth

spacedaddy: shut** your** mouth**

flexilance: *CAN *YOU *GET *OFF *MY *DICK

pidgetspinner: that* is* physically* impossible* for* keith*

karaokeef: WHAT THE FUCK

flexilance: SHUT THE FUCK UP

pidgetspinner: what* the* fuck*

flexilance: *you *shut *the *fuck *up

spacedaddy: stop* swearing*

flexilance: *over *my *fucking *dead *body

pidgetspinner: I’LL* KILL* YOU* ALL* IN* A* SECOND*

flexilance: *no

spacedaddy: ASTERISK* AFTER* CORRECTION*

 

_**flexilance** removed **spacedaddy** from the groupchat._

 

hunkeedoodledandy: woah ok

pidgetspinner: ok lance that was mean

pidgetspinner: he was just correcting your atrocious grammar

flexilance: what does atrocious mean

pidgetspinner: ffs

flexilance: SORRY I DON’T SPEAK LIKE IVE GOT AN OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY SHOVED UP MY ASS

pidgetspinner: ID RATHER HAVE A DICTIONARY UP MY ASS THAN AN IQ LEVEL THAT IS SO LOW I COULD COUNT IT ON ONE HAND

angeryboi: i* like* avocado*

pidgetspinner: oh uh

pidgetspinner: matt

pidgetspinner: you’re a little late bro

angeryboi: SHIT

angeryboi: WHY DO I ALWAYS MISS THE GOOD STUFF

hunkeedoodledandy: wait you like avocado

angeryboi: yes its nice

pidgetspinner: AVOCADO IS DISGUSTING

pidgetspinner: YOU LITERALLY EAT IT OUT OF THE SKIN WITH A SPOON

hunkeedoodledandy: that’s a perfectly normal way to eat avocado

pidgetspinner: NO ITS REALLY NOT

pidgetspinner: LIKE YOURE LITERALLY EATING IT LIKE A FUCKING YOGHURT

hunkeedoodledandy: LOTS OF PEOPLE EAT AVOCADO AS A SNACK

angeryboi: avocado is nice

squeakyqueen: whats an avocado

pidgetspinner: THE SATAN OF ALL FRUITS

pidgetspinner: THEYRE SO EVIL THAT DOCTORS ACTUALLY WANTED TO PUT SAFTEY WARNINGS ON THEM

flexilance: that’s a lie

pidgetspinner: NO ITS ACTUALLY TRUE GOOGLE IT

pidgetspinner: SO MANY PEOPLE INJURED THEMSELVES CUTTING AVOCADOS THAT DOCTORS WANTED SUPERMARKETS TO PUT WARNING LABELS ON THEM

flexilance: why though???

flexilance: that makes no sense like surely youd be at risk cutting yourself no matter what fruit youre chopping up BC KNIVES ARE INVOLVED

flexilance: KNIVES = CUTTING HAZARD

karaokeef: you can kill people with knives

hunkeedoodledandy: thank you for that clarification

karaokeef: i like knives

pidgetspinner: that reminds me actually

pidgetspinner: were knives the reason you were kicked out of the garrison keith

karaokeef: ..

karaokeef: no

flexilance: lies

pidgetspinner: do i need to dig a little deeper

karaokeef: NO DON’T ILL TELL YOU

karaokeef: one of the canteen staff yelled at me bc i wasn’t using a knife whilst i was eating

flexilance: lmao so you got kicked from the garrison bc u weren’t using your cutlery correctly??

hunkeedoodledandy: well she had a right to bc it is RUDE to eat without a knife

karaokeef: I WAS EATING SOUP

hunkeedoodledandy: oh

hunkeedoodledandy: never mind then

pidgetspinner: what happened next

karaokeef: there is no ‘next’

pidgetspinner: LIES

karaokeef: OK FINE

karaokeef: i took my knife an started eating my soup with it

karaokeef: and then i got kicked for ‘possessing an offensive weapon’ and ‘threatening a member of staff’

hunkeedoodledandy: wait

hunkeedoodledandy: were you using your spooky galra knife

hunkeedoodledandy: not the shitty plastic canteen knives

karaokeef: ..

karaokeef: no

pidgetspinner: KEITH

karaokeef: …

karaokeef: yes i was using my spooky galra knife

flexilance: WAIT LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT

flexilance: SO THE CANTEEN STAFF YELLS AT YOU FOR NOT USING A KNIFE TO EAT YOUR SOUP, AND THEN YOU BRANDISH YOUR ACTUAL WEAPONY KNIFE AND START EATING YOUR SOUP WITH IT

karaokeef: sums it up pretty well

squeakyqueen: you should be glad shiro isn’t here because he’d probably kill you

hunkeedoodledandy: OMG SHIRO

hunkeedoodledandy: I MISS HIM

angeryboi: I MISS HIM TOO

pidgetspinner: HE’S LITERALLY BEEN GONE FOR TWO MINUTES

angeryboi: IDC I STILL MISS HIM

hunkeedoodledandy: THIS TEAM IS NOTHING WITHOUT SHIRO

magnifistache: i’ll add him back brb

 

_**magnifistache** added **spacepapa** to the groupchat._

 

hunkeedoodledandy: welcome back shiro

spacepapa: ??

pidgetspinner: yeah let me just apologise on lances behalf

spacepapa: uh hi???

spacepapa: why have you added me here

hunkeedoodledandy: um

hunkeedoodledandy: whats with your creepy space amnesia

spacepapa: im so confused

pidgetspinner: well that’s kinda understandable since lance is an absolute douchebag

flexilance: I AM NOT A DOUCHEBAG

spacepapa: uh ok

squeakyqueen: are you all right shiro?

spacepapa: of course!!!

spacepapa: it is i

spacepapa: shiro

magnifistache: ok well if you say so

angeryboi: -flips table-

angeryboi: who the fuck are you

magnifistache: coran

angeryboi: NO WHO THE FUCK IS THE OTHER GUY

flexilance: who me?

angeryboi: NO WHO IS THAT

spacepapa: it is i, shiro

angeryboi: WHO ARE YOU WTF 

pidgetspinner: uh

pidgetspinner: its shiro matt???

angeryboi: THAT IS NOT SHIRO I WILL FIGHT YOU

spacepapa: i’m shiro

angeryboi: YOU ARE NOT SHIRO

angeryboi: how dare you compare yourself to him

spacepapa: i’m shiro

angeryboi: imposters smh

pidgetspinner: matt?? its literally shiro??? 

pidgetspinner: you know

pidgetspinner: big guy, metal arm, anime hair

angeryboi: I SURE AS HELL KNOW MY SHIROS AND THIS ISNT HIM

spacepapa: matt it is i

spacepapa: shiro

angeryboi: go fuck urself you bitch

hunkeedoodledandy: le gasp

flexilance: !!

hunkeedoodledandy: don’t u swear at shiro

angeryboi: THAT’S NOT SHIRO FFS IM GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE

karaokeef: i volunteer as tribute

angeryboi: you what

karaokeef: you said you wanted to kill someone

karaokeef: so i said i volunteer as tribute

angeryboi: when i said i was gonna kill someone i meant either myself or that fucking shiro imposter

karaokeef: WHY THO

karaokeef: SOMETIMES OTHER PEOPLE WANT DEATH

angeryboi: IM NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU THE LUXURY OF DEATH WHILST WE HAVE A CRISIS ON OUR HANDS

pidgetspinner: IM GONNA KILL YOU BOTH IN A SECOND

flexilance: matt its shiro

flexilance: you can drop the act shiro im sorry for insulting you with my grammar

spacepapa: that is all right

angeryboi: GO EJECT YOURSELF THROUGH AN AIRLOCK BITCH

spacepapa: why dont you recognise me

hunkeedoodledandy: HOLY SHIT WHO IS THAT

karaokeef: IMPOSTOR

pidgetspinner: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SHIRO YOU FAT ASS SPACE BITCH

squeakyqueen: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

 

_**pidgetspinner** removed **spacepapa** from the groupchat._

 

flexilance: ok guys how did you go from being absolutely sure that was shiro to attacking him with pitchforks and pelting him with crucifixes

pidgetspinner: he didn’t use an apostrophe???

pidgetspinner: i thought it was blinking obvious it wasn’t shiro at that point

angeryboi: i said it wasn’t him and nobody listened??

flexilance: i listened

pidgetspinner: you did not you twat

angeryboi: ok but i want the real shiro back idk about any of you guys

 

_**magnifistache** added **spacedaddy** to the groupchat._

spacedaddy: finally what took you so long

pidgetspinner: good evening sir

pidgetspinner: may i ask your name

spacedaddy: uh

spacedaddy: you shouldn’t share your information over the internet

pidgetspinner: TELL ME RIGHT NOW

spacedaddy: OK SORRY

spacedaddy: shiro

pidgetspinner: Nice to meet you shiro

pidgetspinner: now answer this simple question for me

pidgetspinner: does the asterisk go before or after the correction

spacedaddy: ASTERISK AFTER CORRECTION

pidgetspinner: WELCOME BACK SHIRO

flexilance: AYYY SHIRO’S BACK

spacedaddy: i was literally gone for two minutes

spacedaddy: wait

spacedaddy: WERE YOU TALKING TO STRANGERS

karaokeef: fuck

hunkeedoodledandy: it was some spooky guy pretending to be you shiro

pidgetspinner: easy mistake to make

angeryboi: I NOTICED IT WASN’T SHIRO

flexilance: I CAN DO WHAT I WANT ON THE INTERNET

spacedaddy: pidge?

pidgetspinner: gmail, twitter, some girl’s Instagram page, pokemonxtrainer fanfiction, pornhub

spacedaddy: LANCE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS

flexilance: THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU LOOKING THROUGH MY SEARCH HISTORY AGAIN

spacedaddy: SERIOUSLY

spacedaddy: PORNHUB

karaokeef: forget pornhub

karaokeef: why the fuck have you got a pokemonxtrainer fanfiction on your search history

pidgetspinner: yeah lance

pidgetspinner: pokemon is for ‘losers’

hunkeedoodledandy: honestly im disgusted 

hunkeedoodledandy: you have brought shame on this gc for intentionally searching a pokemonxtrainer ff

pidgetspinner: this is some disgusting stuff

pidgetspinner: four chapters of ash fucking every pokemon known to man

flexilance: STOP

spacedaddy: just

spacedaddy: i

spacedaddy: oh quiznak

angeryboi: guys we’re all like the eeveelutions

angeryboi: keith would be flareon, pidge would be leafeon

pidgetspinner: do not compare me to a pokemon after i just read a whole paragraph of ash being fucked by Squirtle

karaokeef: you literally had a pokemon username four chapters ago

pidgetspinner: what is it with breaking the fourth wall smh

spacedaddy: what

pidgetspinner: nothing

flexilance: WOULD I BE VAPOREON OR GLACEON

hunkeedoodledandy: i think vaporeon because its water type

angeryboi: shiro would be umbreon

karaokeef: would allura be sylveon or espeon? 

angeryboi: idk they both suit her pretty well??

flexilance: sylveon i think

hunkeedoodledandy: should i be glaceon 

angeryboi: yep you be glaceon

angeryboi: i’ll be jolteon

magnifistache: and what about me

angeryboi: you can be espeon

pidgetspinner: ?????

pidgetspinner: has everyone forgotten that lance LITERALLY HAS A POKEMON SMUTTY FANFICTION IN HIS HISTORY

spacedaddy: i haven’t 

flexilance: eep

spacedaddy: i’m disgusted with you lance

flexilance: let’s not forget your blasphemous comment last chapter which included the central figure of the Christian religion riding a two-wheeled motor vehicle resembling a heavy bicycle which can sometimes have a sidecar with a third wheel.

pidgetspinner: AGAIN WITH BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL JESUS THE AUTHOR NEEDS TO GET SOME QUALITY CONTENT FOR THIS TRAIN WRECK

flexilance: the fuck

pidgetspinner: nothing

spacedaddy: uh okay

spacedaddy: i’ll give you that, lance

spacedaddy: we’re evens but if i see one more smutty pokephilia fanfiction

flexilance: YOU WONT I PROMISE SHIRO

pidgetspinner: disgusting

karaokeef: i finished sewing all the tails

flexilance: ??

karaokeef: for your ever so bright idea of having fursuits in our paladin colours

pidgetspinner: how did this happen

karaokeef: IDK BUT IVE MADE SO MANY STITCHES IM CLOSE TO DROWNING MYSELF IN MY COFFEE

flexilance: wait mullet can sew?

karaokeef: no i magicked all the materials together to make a fucking fursuit tail

flexilance: really??

karaokeef: OFC I SEWED THEM YOU WALNUT

flexilance: lmao can you do embroidery too

pidgetspinner: stop mocking keith

pidgetspinner: didn’t you say they ‘called you the tailor’ because of how well you could ‘thread the needle’?

flexilance: hehh

pidgetspinner: and then you proceeded to fucking destroy the ship

pidgetspinner: more like they called you the ‘wood chipper’ because of how quickly you could reduce a ship to shreds

hunkeedoodledandy: yes well at least it was a simulation because then we would have been in a much worse situation than swimming in my breakfast

karaokeef: so im a better pilot than you and im also able to do basic house skills as well

karaokeef: no surprise there

flexilance: making a fursuit is not a basic house skill

karaokeef: ill staple a fursuit to your face in a second

spacedaddy: WOAH ENOUGH

pidgetspinner: i refuse to wear a fursuit tail with my paladin armour

flexilance: you have to wear the headpiece as well

pidgetspinner: is nobody thinking about the fact that we won’t be able to survive in the endless vacuum of space with a fursuit head

angeryboi: not really

pidgetspinner: cries in Italian

spacedaddy: there there

flexilance: ‘hello! I am the space dad, your personal healthcare companion!’

flexilance: ‘On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?’

pidgetspinner: sinα ± sinβ = 2sin 1/2 (α±β) cos 1/2 (α∓β)

flexilance: oh

flexilance: never mind then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for over 1000 hits and 100 kudos :))
> 
> Please hmu on my instagram or tumblr if you want to chat!


	6. no need to get piste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!
> 
> Just gonna leave y'all with a quick chapter before I leave. Hope you have a nice Christmas or Hannukah or whatever you might be celebrating this month <3
> 
> IG: @cr0codillia  
> Tumblr: Crocodillia

pidgetspinner: i read on a zodiac site that Taurus is the most likely to make bad puns

angeryboi: you said that just because you don’t like my puns

pidgetspinner: NO THIS POST HAS TAURUS AS THE MOST LIKELY

angeryboi: ok well if the zodiac says so

spacedaddy: i didn’t think of either of you as the type who believed those zodiac things

pidgetspinner: what sign are you

spacedaddy: did you even see my last message

pidgetspinner: i did but im choosing to ignore it and ask you what your star sign is

spacedaddy: fine

spacedaddy: im pisces

hunkeedoodledandy: im capricorn

hunkeedoodledandy: matt?

angeryboi: taurus

hunkeedoodledandy: what are you pidge

pidgetspinner: aries

flexilance: what sign am i

pidgetspinner: how can you not know your star sign you asshole

spacedaddy: who said that your star sign defines your personality??

pidgetspinner: actually pisces is a lot like you

spacedaddy: yes but

spacedaddy: you can’t let some zodiac account on instagram decide your characteristics

angeryboi: LE GASP

angeryboi: you take that back takeshi

spacedaddy: don’t call me that

flexilance: WHAT IS MY STAR SIGN SOMEONE TELL ME

pidgetspinner: ask siri smh

flexilance: FINE I WILL

hunkeedoodledandy: why is scorpio always the one summoning satan

spacedaddy: get off tumblr 

hunkeedoodledandy: no

pidgetspinner: i don’t know but if you read it on tumblr its probably true

flexilance: sounds a lot like keith lmao

pidgetspinner; pff he would though

hunkeedoodledandy: ‘signs in a hurricane’ says that scorpio IS the hurricane

pidgetspinner: lucky none of us are a scorpio

pidgetspinner: otherwise we’d have real problems

karaokeef: IM A SCORPIO

pidgetspinner: ..

hunkeedoodledandy: …..

flexilance: ….

pidgetspinner: shit

spacedaddy: lord give me strength

squeakyqueen: whats my sign

pidgetspinner: your sign is based on your birthday allura

pidgetspinner: do you know what your human birthday is

squeakyqueen: im not human though

pidgetspinner: yes but do you know when you were born in earth months

squeakyqueen: what’s a month though???

pidgetspinner: theyre sets of days

pidgetspinner: theres around 30 to 31 in each month

angeryboi: except february which has 28 except on a leapyear which happens once every four years when the year has one extra day and therefore february has 29 days

angeryboi: and unfortunately shiro is a leap year baby so technically he’s six years old

spacedaddy: thank you for rubbing that in

pidgetspinner: leave matt this is my explanation

angeryboi: ok sorry

pidgetspinner: and they’ve all got different names

pidgetspinner: so i was born on the third day of the fourth month

pidgetspinner: and the fourth month is called april

pidgetspinner: so my birthday is the 3rd of april and that gives me the star sign of aries

squeakyqueen: so how many months are there

pidgetspinner: 12 in a year

squeakyqueen: whats a year??? and whats a day as well??

pidgetspinner: a year is the time it takes for the planet to make a whole orbit of the sun

pidgetspinner: and a day is the time it takes for the planet to rotate on its axis

pidgetspinner: there are 365 days in a year

pidgetspinner: each day is 24 hours

pidgetspinner: each hour is sixty minutes

pidgetspinner: each minute is sixty seconds

pidgetspinner: seconds are a little bit like tics

angeryboi: except on earth tics are little bugs that bite you and feed on your blood

pidgetspinner: MATT

pidgetspinner: LEAVE

angeryboi: OK IM SORRY

squeakyqueen: and what happens after twelve months

squeakyqueen: are there more months?? do you keep inventing the names?

pidgetspinner: no we start again from the beginning

squeakyqueen: im still confused im sorry

spacedaddy: unless someone wants to explain the entire concept of human time to allura so she can understand human astronomy i suggest we drop the whole subject

flexilance: im a leo

spacedaddy: fine keep ignoring me

angeryboi: actually you being a leo explains a lot

flexilance: what

angeryboi: “Leo takes great pride in accomplishment. Appreciates accolades and compliments for work well done. May have tendency to vanity. Recognizes the good things in life and wants them. Expressive and prefers dominant life-positions.”

karaokeef: lmao that’s literally lance

flexilance: “Scorpio is prone to jealousy and possessiveness. Tends to be competitive, especially with themselves. Can be very critical with themselves. Very creative, artistic and imaginative. Often cry by themselves in the bathroom and take fursuit selfies.”

karaokeef: YOU ADDED THAT LAST BIT SHITHEAD

spacedaddy: WOAH WOAH WOAH ENOUGH

spacedaddy: WE’RE DROPPING THE WHOLE ZODIAC STUFF

angeryboi: ok well im going to go and get some ice cream

pidgetspinner: you are lactose intolerant

angeryboi: fuck you i want ice cream

pidgetspinner: and on top of that it is DECEMBER

angeryboi: shush

pidgetspinner: YOU ARE EATING ICE CREAM IN DECEMBER

angeryboi: CHILL out

pidgetspinner: that did not THAW my resolve

karaokeef: here we go guys

karaokeef: might want to mute notifications for a while

angeryboi: that’s snow way to talk to the pun master

pidgetspinner: weve only reached the tip of the iceberg of my potential tho

angeryboi: you are easily miSLED though

pidgetspinner: i stalag-might have been better than you though

angeryboi: icy what you did there

pidgetspinner: you’re all frost and no bite

angeryboi: im still sleighing these puns though

pidgetspinner: nice try but of Claus im the true victor

angeryboi: you don’t know the frost thing about puns

pidgetspinner: you mist the perfect opportunity for a pun

angeryboi: i don’t know weather that’s the case

pidgetspinner: if someone took their head out of the clouds i may have better competition

angeryboi: all hail your pun leader

pidgetspinner: im sorry to rain down on your parade but im better

angeryboi: white would you insult me like that

pidgetspinner: i bet you thaw-t you had me cornered there

angeryboi: theres no stopping this avalanche of puns

pidgetspinner: i should hurricane and finish this

angeryboi: no need to get piste

pidgetspinner: i came, i thaw, i conquered

angeryboi: need some ice for that burn

pidgetspinner: i got enough salt to melt your ego

angeryboi: water you going to do about my amazing puns

pidgetspinner: man that was cold

angeryboi: i ski how it is

pidgetspinner: you cant just skate away from this fight

angeryboi: need some alp to get some better puns?

pidgetspinner: you cant mountain this for long

angeryboi: how Rudolf you to say such a thing

squeakyqueen: i don’t understand these

spacedaddy: just let them fight

spacedaddy: one of them needs to be crowned pun lord and we might be here a while because it wont end until one of them runs out of puns

pidgetspinner: i think you’ve RED me like a book

angeryboi: your puns are lake a fish out of water

pidgetspinner: should have whaled out whilst you had the chance

angeryboi: that comment was shallow

pidgetspinner: nah im too deep for you to understand

angeryboi: current-ly we have bigger problems than your bad puns

pidgetspinner: i think you should wave away your tears of regret

angeryboi: urine for a beating! pun style!

spacedaddy: oh my lord and saviour

pidgetspinner: am i the butt of the joke now?

angeryboi: we have more important fishues than your butt jokes

pidgetspinner fanny you should say that

spacedaddy: ENOUGH

spacedaddy: GO BACK TO WATER PUNS

spacedaddy: BE REASONABLE

pidgetspinner: no be reasonabubble

angeryboi: if i see one more water pun im going to have a seazure

pidgetspinner: your efforts are all for NAUTical

angeryboi: im getting tide of your terrible puns

pidgetspinner: i am the star-fish of the show, after all!

angeryboi: dam that was the worst one so far

pidgetspinner: your ship seems to be sinking

angeryboi: ok that one actually was terribubble

pidgetspinner: i guess im just a DROP off at being the best

angeryboi: stop squidding with me

pidgetspinner: its getting inky in here

angeryboi: im more intellectshoal in the art of puns

pidgetspinner: its intellectshell you dumbass

angeryboi: no like a shoal of fish you oardiot

flexilance: how much more of this do we have to endure

pidgetspinner: shore, whatever you say

angeryboi: swimmer down, theres no need to fight

pidgetspinner: this is an opper-tuna-ty that cannot be missed

angeryboi: will salmon please get me some ice cream

pidgetspinner: no way i have bigger fish to fry

angeryboi: you will cROWn me as pun lord

pidgetspinner: don’t get caught in the rapids

angeryboi: ive already been eel-ected as pun lord and that makes me better

pidgetspinner: you did that on porpoise

angeryboi: your puns don’t reach the seal-ing 

pidgetspinner: hydrogen forms at the negative elec-toad 

angeryboi: when you croak from my amazing puns can i have the green lion

pidgetspinner: man you really are the spawn of satan

spacedaddy: ..

flexilance: SHIRO HOLD BACK ON THE CRUCIFIXES

angeryboi: KRILL YOURSELF

pidgetspinner: i would but i couldn’t handle the gill-t

angeryboi: well i have otter issues to deal with

pidgetspinner: well

pidgetspinner: you

pidgetspinner: …

pidgetspinner: yeah i got nothing

angeryboi: HELL YEAH

angeryboi: THE PUN LORD STRIKES AGAIN

pidgetspinner: ok stop

spacedaddy: well that was eventful

karaokeef: ok im back

karaokeef: who won?

angeryboi: isn’t it obvious?

karaokeef: congrats pidge

angeryboi: wait no i won

karaokeef: i know matt don’t worry

karaokeef: i was joking

angeryboi: ok i got scared there for a second

pidgetspinner: WAIT

pidgetspinner: keith shouldn’t make jokes

pidgetspinner: hes a scorpio

spacedaddy: again with the zodiac stuff

spacedaddy: don’t let your star sign define who you are keith

karaokeef: ok well i don’t care

flexilance: ‘what the signs need more than anything’

spacedaddy: GET OFF TUMBLR

flexilance: JOKES ON YOU

flexilance: IM ON PINTEREST

hunkeedoodledandy: WHAT DO CAPRICORNS NEED MORE THAN ANYTHING

flexilance: uh

flexilance: according to this you need a joint

hunkeedoodledandy: ok

spacedaddy: WE DO NOT DO DRUGS ON THIS CASTLE

angeryboi: what about Taurus

flexilance: a line of coke and a karaoke machine

spacedaddy: NO DRUGS

spacedaddy: karaoke is ok though

flexilance: SHIRO IT LITERALLY SAYS HERE THAT PISCES ‘TO JUST… CHILL FOR A SEC’

spacedaddy: no it doesn’t 

pidgetspinner: send it me

flexilance: ok

hunkeedoodledandy: i don’t think that’s a lie shiro

pidgetspinner: no hes not lying

pidgetspinner: signs.jpeg

flexilance: LMAO

flexilance: SCORPIO APPARENTLY NEEDS TO BE ‘ESCORTED TO HELL’

karaokeef: well duh i got a kingdom to run

hunkeedoodledandy: PFFFAAFAFA

spacedaddy: ok i will chill

spacedaddy: ill just go and get some ice cream then

angeryboi: take me with you shiro

pidgetspinner: :00)0;:0))00

spacedaddy: no

spacedaddy: you are not getting ice cream

angeryboi: SHIRO 

angeryboi: PLEASE

flexilance: if you love me let me

karaokeef: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

angeryboi: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

pidgetspinner: and for that i will eat all the ice cream myself

flexilance: NO WHAT

pidgetspinner: WHAT WERE YOU EXPLECTING

pidgetspinner: THERE ARE TWO EMOS IN THE GC AND YOU DIDN’T EXPECT THAT REACTION

spacedaddy: brb im gonna get ice cream for myself and myself only

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro 

flexilance: is he gone

pidgetspinner: idk ask him

flexilance: shirooooo

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: shiro

flexilance: i was the one who put superglue on the black lion seat

pidgetspinner: i think he’s gone lance

pidgetspinner: if he didn’t reply to that then hes definitely gone

angeryboi: why do you want him gone

flexilance: ill tell you only if you promise not to tell shiro

pidgetspinner: go on then

flexilance: well

pidgetspinner: hold it

pidgetspinner: why do you have another pokephilia ff open on your laptop

flexilance: SHSHSHSHSHSHSH DON’T TELL HIM

flexilance: ALSO WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY TABS AGAIN STOP

flexilance: SHIRO SAID IF HE CAUGHT ME READING ANYTHING INNAPROPRIATE AGAIN HE’D SMASH MY FACE INTO MY KEYBOkslkdfnmKLLLLLLLLLL’VDF;’.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

karaokeef: ok looks like he caught you

spacedaddy: I can’t trust any of you can I

flexilance: ajeklllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllln

spacedaddy: i leave for ice cream and it takes only one minute

spacedaddy: ONE MINUTE

angeryboi: wow that’s an art

angeryboi: typing with one hand whilst squashing lance’s face with the other

spacedaddy: i am skilled in many arts

flexilance: is hiring children to observe my internet tabs one of them

flexilance: kgwsllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllln

pidgetspinner: where else am i supposed to get ice cream from

flexilance: IM THE ONE WHO MAKES THE FCKING ICE CREAM

pidgetspinner: HEY WE HAVE JOINT OWNERSHIP OVER THAT COW

spacedaddy: YOU STOLE MONEY OUT OF A FOUNTAIN TO BUY THAT COW

flexilance: YOU ARE PAYING PIDGE WITH MY ICE CREAM TO WATCH MY INTERNET HISTORY

angeryboi: ok but my stomach is swelling is that bad

flexilance: SHIT MAN

flexilance: DID YOU EAT MY ICE CREAM

pidgetspinner: i don’t fucking believe this

angeryboi: you should because the floor is now painted a luscious mangrove leaf

pidgetspinner: did you barf

angeryboi: no i just felt like searching the dulux paint charts for an appropriate colour for no reason

spacedaddy: do i detect sarcasm

angeryboi: no you detect cookie dough

flexilance: YOU ATE MY BEN AND JERRIES??????????????

squeakyqueen: enough

squeakyqueen: nobody gets ice cream

pidgetspinner: YOU HAD BEN AND JERRIES?????

flexilance: YES AND NO YOU CANT HAVE ANY

angeryboi: well you can have it back if you want

angeryboi: only semi-digested

flexilance: OH NAH YOU CAN KEEP THAT

pidgetspinner: WHY DID YOU NOT SHARE

flexilance: FUCK YOU I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO KIDS

spacedaddy: are you ok matt

angeryboi: no i still feel sick

spacedaddy: i’m a little busy but i’ll go help you if you want

flexilance: you are still squashing my facawjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjg

angeryboi: that

angeryboi: is not necessary

spacedaddy: sure?

angeryboi: ..

angeryboi: yes

spacedaddy: ok then

angeryboi: WAIT

angeryboi: why did you stop insisting

spacedaddy: you said you were fine

angeryboi: but

angeryboi: that’s not how it works

spacedaddy: do you need help or not

angeryboi: no

spacedaddy: ok then

angeryboi: SHIRO

spacedaddy: WHAT

angeryboi: you’re supposed to keep insisting omg

spacedaddy: ??

spacedaddy: you said you were fine

angeryboi: IM NOT FINE THOUGH

spacedaddy: you should have said so

angeryboi: i did??

pidgetspinner: you really didn’t

angeryboi: PIDGE

angeryboi: I S2G

spacedaddy: so are you ok or not matt

angeryboi: ..

angeryboi: please help me

spacedaddy: ok i’ll be down in a second

angeryboi: thanku

flexilance: my face is free

flexilance: GOD

flexilance: shiro has an iron grip

pidgetspinner: he does have a robot arm

flexilance: NOT FUNNY

flexilance: i literally have keyboard marks all over my face

pidgetspinner: trust me its an improvement

karaokeef: ffs

karaokeef: is nobody going to talk about what just happened with matt and shiro

pidgetspinner: OH

pidgetspinner: i thought he was acting up

hunkeedoodledandy: matt or shiro

pidgetspinner: matt duh

pidgetspinner: of course shiro is dense enough to not know when all matt really wants is 

angeryboi: SHUT UP

angeryboi: let me have my moment please

pidgetspinner: he is cleaning up your vomit

angeryboi: i want a hug too

pidgetspinner: THEN ASK HIM FOR ONE YOU SPANNER

angeryboi: idkkk

karaokeef: shiro

spacedaddy: yes

karaokeef: give matt a hug please

spacedaddy: ok

angeryboi: i did not think it would be that easy

pidgetspinner: shiro wouldn’t deny his one true love a hug

spacedaddy: SHSHS

spacedaddy: i love you all equally

spacedaddy: as your father

flexilance: MM DADDY

 

_**karaokeef** removed **flexilance** from the group chat._

 

karaokeef: we’re having none of that shance crap here

karaokeef: leave that shit in season 1

spacedaddy: ??

karaokeef: nvm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you mean this isnt canon


	7. snippity snap this fic is crap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 8th July 2018: thank you for over 2000 hits and almost 200 kudos <33 I'm working on lots of offer fics atm but Spaceboiz, In the Middle of my Chaos was you and Freefall will finally be back on track soon! Thanks for your ever growing support!

pidgetspinner: well hello there

pidgetspinner: the author is using me to tell you guys that they are a stupid lazy asss bitch and is struggling to update due to life, responsibilities, life, exams, education, running five instagram accounts, 2879494389 tumblr accounts , life, their stupid cousin reading over their shoulder, friends bullying them for more content when they refuse to provide them with ideas because they always fucking die in the gc, life, being just lazy in general, and working on various other fanfictions and art projects at the same time.

pidgetspinner: yeah, it sucks and they’re sorry. They’re a terrible person and they know it because they are writing apologies at 3am on a monday and make fun of furries because they know they’re partial to drawing colourful dogs from time to time and dont want to admit it

snippitysnap: i did not fucking say that

 

_**pidgetspinner** removed **snippitysnap** from the group chat_

 

pidgetspinner: anyways

pidgetspinner: they’ll only be suffering for a few more months now and the exams will finish and they’ll be a free elf and able to write as much crappy fanfiction as they wish

pidgetspinner: so until then please stick around and the spaceboiz will be back on track too, along with ‘in the middle of my chaos’ (which the author currently is crying over because its shit but needs to finish it for the sake of you angels who actually do like it)

pidgetspinner: They’ll be way more active on their new instagram @crocodilllia (3 l’s) where they’ll post all their weeb stuff and possibly on their tumblr crocodilllia (also 3 l’s) although they still can’t figure out how to use strikethrough text after almost a year

pidgetspinner: also lotor will be here soon due to popular demand (yes im looking at you B stop cyberbullying me pls)

pidgetspinner: thank u and goodbye i do apologise if you guys were actually expecting a new chapter because the author isn’t very reliable when it comes to fulfilling people’s wishes.

pidgetspinner: also how the fuck do you stop autocorrect on google docs i’m about to scream

pidgetspinner: should have just got a mac it isn’t worth this trouble anflkanffknlsa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pidgetspinner: ok i did it where is my ice cream


	8. This is exactly what I dreaded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this already awful trainwreck becomes a self insert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help what is all this fuckery

snippitysnap: hunk I have a problem 

hunkeedoodledandy: I am here to assist my friend 

hunkeedoodledandy: im assuming it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that its almost 3am and you're typing this out on your first gen kindle fire that hasn't seen the light of day for three years 

snippitysnap: no

snippitysnap: well

snippitysnap: well actually youre not wrong but still 

snippitysnap: so I haven't been updating this fic for a while because life and also as a result I haven't been managing to keep up with the series for ages so I've encountered a few dilemmas

hunkeedoodledandy: shoot 

snippitysnap: ok so a lot has happened with lotor betraying y'all and lotura? what the heck that didn't exist a few months ago :v

hunkeedoodledandy: yes well I didn't trust him so I'm glad you never got around to adding him to this tbh it's a waste of typing for a low life purple smurf

snippitysnap: second there's all that backstory stuff with Keith's mom and the blue dog thing

hunkeedoodledandy: well I guess you could involve krolia but if that dog could type on a group chat as well as teleport I'd yeet out of the castle faster than lotor's knock off transformer on crack

snippitysnap: o fucc hunk about the castle

hunkeedoodledandy: ..

hunkeedoodledandy: shit 

snippitysnap: WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY MAIN PROBLEM

snippitysnap: so clone shiro and all that?? That's ok because remember @spacepapa? Everyone blocked him so that's the end of that arc

snippitysnap: but my big problem is the fact that since all those tweets were released about a certain someone back on earth combined with the lack of matt screen time plus my inability to remain loyal to one ship and the fact that I'm a whore for any ship combining shiro and a brunette boy with glasses

hunkeedoodledandy: yeah I see your dilemma 

hunkeedoodledandy: but I'm honestly just relieved that shunk is finally dead because bitch please don't ship me with a guy who is literally ten years older than me xxxxx

Snippitysnap: that's great hun I'm so happy for you aaaa :D 

Snippitysnap: but I love matt so much honestly he deserves happiness and he really cares about shiro .. 

hunkeedoodledandy: you want my two cents on the whole thing 

Hunkeedoodledandy: as of right now none of us are aware that shiro has/had a fiance 

Hunkeedoodledandy: but I just want what's best for shiro so if you're happier shipping shadam then pls do I mean it's up to you 

Hunkeedoodledandy: and you never know maybe in the next season matt will find someone because who could resist a guy like that ok and your otaku fangirling alt persona can go hecking wild 

snippitysnap: please don't I'm already losing sleep over Adam and bb lance and keith decking some one on garrison property 

hunkeedoodledandy: also I used to have short hair 

snippitysnap: gorge boy ily xox 

hunkeedoodledandy: please don't do that I'm a fictional character what if your future employer finds this 

snippitysnap: I really don't need any more intrusive thoughts like that sweetheart

hunkeedoodledandy: ok honestly ill give you three options for the future of this fic 

hunkeedoodledandy: 1) abandon it which I don't think will happen until the series finishes 

hunkeedoodledandy: 2) keep the shatt and keep writing from where you got to last time which is about s5 

hunkeedoodledandy: 3) ignore everything that happened the last few seasons and resume writing from the beginning of s7 since you finally managed to buy Netflix with your meagre wage and can watch the next season without having to wait three days for it to be illegally uploaded to a pirate site 

snippitysnap: ill probably go with the third I mean I love shatt and all and it will always have a special place in my heart but

hunkeedoodledandy: I agree my g but you should probably add shay to the chat since she's had no screen time since like the 3rd season 

snippitysnap: I will my dude at least I'm finally getting this fic back on track tbh be it in the worst way possible by breaking the fourth wall so many times it's probably physically painful for people to read 

hunkeedoodledandy: yeah you should probably get out of that habit but I guess ill let it slide for now since you're clearly struggling with your mental age of 78 

snippitysnap: you aren't even a yank why is that ur username 

 

_**hunkeedoodledandy** removed **snippitysnap** from the group chat_

 

hunkeedoodledandy: hun redraw those barf inducing furry interpretations before you mock my username 

hunkeedoodledandy: also to the readers - thank you so much for the constant support I promise that the author will try to make it worth your while after so many months 

hunkeedoodledandy: vrepit sa forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry but shadam has overtaken shatt in the race for my heart and it looks like I'm not going to survive the next season I'm trying my best I'm so sorry


	9. the end is not the beginning

Hey everyone! This fic hasn't updated since like ,,, season 6 and I'm very sorry about that. But I think it's time for me to pull it to a close for several reasons: 

1) Voltron finished and I'm happy to say I'm moving on from the fandom now, although it will ALWAYS remain special in my heart.

2) Even if I wanted to continue this fic, the friends who mostly gave me ideas for the fic aren't active any more and don't really communicate aside from sending Sebastian Stan memes without context. Also, since voltron ended I don't ship shatt or shadam now for ,,, obvious reasons and its a little too late to change that 

3) The reason I'm leaving this message before drawing this fic to a close is because originally I was going to just delete it without warning but I decided to leave it not only for nostalgias sake but because I know some of you will come back and read it as well. So I'm leaving it here for you guys.

Thank you so much to the Voltron fandom. It was a fun ride, and I'm honoured I could be a part of it. 

Croc xx


End file.
